Sunday, June 28, 2009

THE GREAT DIVIDE




Current TV ( my new favorite station), has been running some really great shows in honor of June being Gay Pride Month. There was one documentary about the "Boi's." There are these women who basically live their lives as men. They look like men, walk and talk like men, of course they dress like men. Thats's not the interesting part, though. The real trip (to me) is how far they are willing to go to perpetuate the stereotype. Now let me say this. This is my blog so everything I say here is my opinion. These are my perspectives. So, I am probably going to offend someone when I say certain things. Now that that's out of the way, here's what I think. I did a blog a while ago about the great divide between the two factions. The caucasion vs. the non white glbt community. Watching that documetary brought it all back to me again. The "boi's" on the documentary were expressing how they felt about their bodies and how it (it being their feminine forms) made life significantly more difficult than it had to be. Most of the women in the show had either had top surgery (cosmetic surgery to remove the breasts), were on "T" (testoterone shots), or a combination of both.
Now I know a lot of Boi's. Generally, every stud I know falls in this category. I do not know anyone, however, that is even remotely considering the possibility of top surgery, or even knows what a testerone shot is all about. I don't even think I know anybody who has ever taped down their boobs or even considered it for that matter.
The more I think about it, the more I start to believe that the great divide is really real. It is a great divide. I asked someone very close to me (a stud) if they would ever consider going forward with either of the options that I saw on that documentary. Her answer was, of course, a flat out NO.
People of color often make fun of just how different the other persuasion really is. As open minded as I am, i'm starting to believe the hype. Being a person of color, moreover, a lesbian of color with friends who are not black, I feel like I have been exposed to so many other things that I would never have even heard of had I just stayed within my community. What's interesting to note is the fact that, with all my open minded-ness and rainbow coalition of friends, I still believe just as my community believes. A lot of the things that non blacks in the family will partake in for the perpetuation of a stereotype are utterly ridiculous and most of us of color wouldn't even give a passing thought. I can' t even fathom a circumstance existing that would make me or any person of color spend upwards of $10,000 cutting off their breasts when there are perfectly good extra small sports bras at Target for less than ten bucks. I would like to have some insight into the mindset that goes along with pumping your body full of a male horman for he sake of having facial hair. I just don't get it. I want to, but I don't. If anyone can help me understand this, please get at me. Cuz I was totally and completely lost after I watched that documentary! Any and all input is welcomed here and GREATLY appreciated. Cuz ya girl is lost. For real.

Friday, June 26, 2009

BACK IN THE DAY!

Prom 1997
The homegirls Aarika, Camille, Me, and Raven
Young and fine and ready for the world! When I say we were inseparable, I mean just that. Camille, Raven and I basically lived at one anther's houses, and if hadn't been for these girls, I was destined for stud land. They threw some girly clothes on me sophomore year and its been on ever since. I loved these girls then and now. Never looked at them sideways, not once. Because my friends are not sexual beings to me. They are my friends, my family. That's it. Everything was so simple back then. Ah, well. Man, those were the days!!!

A SANDWICH I WOULD LOVE TO BE A PART OF











AMBER ROSE AND FELICIA "SNOOP" PEARSON!!!!!
BAAAAABEEEEE, PUT ME SMACK A*S IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT SH*T AND I WOULD BE A VERY HAPPY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOWEEEE
SORRY BABY! ROFLMBAO!











Thursday, June 25, 2009

Yeah, I said it, and I'll say it again too. Will you?

One of the things that I have really been proud of accomplishing since I got out of my last disaster of a relationship is my newfound ability and desire to just listen. To be quite and burn what people say to me into my mind.That way I can form an educated response to what has been said to me and, more importantly, I can better understand where the speaker is coming from. Even if what they're saying is completely to the left of what I think or believe, if I listen intently, I at least have a chance of seeing their perspective. What I can not tolerate is when I'm dealing with people who say one thing then, when you repeat it to them for verification, they just move on to something else completely. That sh*t drives me crazy. I am a woman of my word. Now more than ever. If I said it once I will say it again, word for word. Right or wrong, I said it, i'll stand up for it. I keep meeting these people that either can not, or will not have the courage of their convictions. I mean, don't say sh*t you don't mean. It makes you look stupid. What's worse in my eyes is that it makes you look weak. Weak people tu tu turn me off! I think its becasue of the way Iwas raised. We weren't hella broke, but times got hard. Often. If our folks were always turning pussy every time sh*t got rough or constantly letting people pull their bitch card, maybe weakness wouldn't bother me as much. But it does. Oh well. So the moral of the story is this: when dealing with me please be real. If you're a weak person, come to me as such. Don't step to me like you all Boosie Bad Ass, only to have me find out MUCH later, you slick hollow when under pressure. This is not to say that i'm Lil Boosie myself, as I am clearly an emotional train wreck, but I will stand up for myself and what I believe. I WILL NEVER BACK DOWN IF I TRULY BELIEVE SOMETHING, I WILL NOT BITE MY TONGUE, AND IF I SAID IT ONCE YOU CAN BE SURE THAT I WILL SAY IT AGAIN, TO YOUR FACE.

I decided to write this because I am seeing an influx of Bitchassness in a specific area of the glbt community. That area being the "stud" demographic. Part of the reason this is so noticable is because of the unfortunate front that studs have put on for so long. For many of them, in the pursuit of what they believe is masculinity, the front of "hardness" and lack of emotion is so severe that it leaves the real personality lost and burning under the surface, just waiting on the chance to get out. To many studs it is though their false sense of masculinity is a kind of wall to hide behind. Touble is, walls fall down. Then what? whatever you're hiding is exposed for the world to see. Worse than that, that person that was trying to love them anyway, tyring to get past the shell may be gone. That's why it's always best to be real out the gate. There are no roles and no scripts. The sooner these studs stop believing the hype and see/show who they really are, the better off we will all be.

Sooo if you're a bitch, be that. If you're a big ol' softy, be that. Or whatever you are. JUST DO YOU. And be you from day one! NO Fronting, NO bull. Who has time to be making bitches over anymore? Who has time to be falling in love with one person then finding out that its not who they thought they fell in love with. Ugh! How about this:

S'il vous plaît les gens agissent votre âge, pas votre taille de chaussure!

Please and thank you.

I'm going to get off my soapbox ...for now.

Nik

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

You betta wurk, b*tch!!













Some Real Jaycettes and Some Not So Real Jaycettes
____________________________________________________________________
We have this phenomenon in the south called the J-cettes(sp?). As a matter of fact, I'm not totally sure that it's just a southern thing anymore. The J-cettes in "real" life are the majorettes from Jackson State University in Jackson,MS. They accompany one of the Baddest bands in the land: The Sonic BOOOOOOM of the South! THEY....GO...HARD...
Anyhoo,
Many of the queens have wanted to be a part of different groups like the Delta's and the Jaycettes their entire life. Because of that, a sort of counter-culture has emerged in the black gay world. There are several groups of boy "Jaycettes" and even pseudo sororities (which I do not condone, by the way). And huney,they do not play around. They have uniforms, and practices, routines, the works. So when pride time rolls around, they pull out all the stops. I managed to get some good picures of the "squads" this time. Enjoy.
Nik

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I JUST CAN'T









I have tried and tried. But in the immortal words of Durty Mo over at youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com, I have to say tothe GS Boys: "I just can't with you right now!"




WHAT IN THE GAY ASS, SWEET BOOTY HELL IS UP WITH THESE DUDES?! ARE THEY ONLY ABLE TO MAKE SONGS WITH EXTREMELY FEMININE DANCE STEPS?THE BOOTY DEW? FOR REAL? GET THE H*ELL OUTTA HERE!


NIK

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Stick your head out







Since the other day when I saw the first chick I was ever attracted to, i've been thinking about how crazy I felt back then. I was in the 6th grade, so around 12 or 13 yrs old, right. And i'm thinking why the hell am I feeling like this? I must be losing my damn mind! Then, the older I got the more I noticed other things about myself that didn't neccesarily mirror the images around me. My perceptions of beauty, happiness, and of people, all seemed a bit different from what I had been spoon feed my whole life. I didn't want to be an attorney anymore, I didn't just agree with everything my mother said, just "cuz she said so." I started reading more, listening to different types of music, going to museums. I started thinking that maybe being in the streets wasn't all that glamorous. It definately wasn't fun. I also began listening to myself more, that inner voice in my head was almost screaming at me. It was telling me to follow my heart, pray and be what you really are.

Then I met this girl. Beautiful, country, naive, and just so damn sweet. She was so many things that I wasn't. I fell instantly. I was terrified. It became one of my life experiences that, though chaotic, I look back at fondly.

Once that relationship (if you can even call it that) was over and done with, I became a full blown closet case. Meeting girls here and there, sneaking around, all that usual mess. In the process I was becoming the same trainwreck that I was as a little girl all over again. So one day I just stopped giving a sh*t about other people's'issues and said, "ok its time to get some me, or real." It...was...awesome. With the exception of my son I told everyone to go to hell.

It was difficult at first, being "out." People tend not to take it so well when they've had no clue at all. I am super fish. Hair, makeup outfits, shoes, and bags laid out everyday...period. So it was a bit of a bomb to drop on my family. Everyone got over it but my mother (but that's a post of its own). I was free. Clear. Not hiding any of me behind a bag and a boyfriend. It was amazing. It was just so liberating.


Even with the freedom that has come from openly being who and what I am, life as a lesbian has still been difficult. The thing is, difficult is worth it because at the very least, i'm not living a lie. I am honest with myself and everyone around me. So it's totally worth it. Being a closet case was utterly exausting. I spent so much time fronting for other folks. Such a waste. Time waits for no one and you can't get it back. If more people would just be who and what they really are, it wouldn't be such a stigma being "different". So please, please, please come on out. There is safety in numbers and the view outside that damn closet is beautiful...

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

this bullsh*t

So ummm, yeah. I came out of my house finally. I figured Pride was as good a time as any to step out and try and have some fun. Uh, I was sadly mistaken. I live in Memphis(most of the time), and the trouble with that is the fact that there aint sh*t EVER poppin'. Not from lack of effort, but from lack of f*cking support and overall hating b.s. Soooo many people have tried to do things, you know, create stuff for the fam to do. But mofo's dont support shit. The only thing that ever stays crunk is the gay club cuz you know the new booty's are gonna party no matter what. But if you're over 22, wut the hell are you supposed to do at the gay club? Babysit? Chaperone? Wut?! I can't stand this shit not one more pride. I'm putting Memphis on blast. From here on out. I am a native and I have the RIGHT to speak on this shit.

I am going out every night this pride week. I'm going to document this from beginning to end. This should get very interesting.

*Note* I have video of some of the foolishness from last nights "event". As soon as I get my Blackberry to stop timing out while i'm uploading the video, i'll post it on here. It is hilarious.

Nik

Girl Crush


Guess who I saw today!!!!! The first girl I EVER had a crush on!!!! From the 6th grade. OMG! She looked a damn mess. This bitch treated me like crap after I started giving her "the look". All of this after I found out from our other friend that she thought I was "pretty and she wanted to kiss me". That came out of her diary, which got passed around our elementary school like a nudie pic. Hahaha. Karma, baby! No need for revenge. Chuuuch.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I Just Dont Know

Have you ever been so absolutely certain about something and then for whatever reason, life forces you to think that maybe you were wrong? Its a terrible feeling. Its like when little kids find out there's'no Santa Clause. Just completely devestating. When it happens as an adult, you're expected to pick up and proceed, just like nothing ever happened. But we're all human. Letting go of something that meant the world to you is no easier at 30 than it was at 13. Its probably more difficult, actually. Even if some amount of reassurance comes back, you are forever changed, because that thing that you believed in 100%, now exists at only, lets say, 75%. It hurts so bad. It is, unfortunately one of the things i've come to expect from relationships.

With two women, no matter if there's'a masculine/femine situation at play, both are looking for that "thing". The piece of the puzzle that they can not provide for themselves. Its a near impossibility, in my opinion. Because so often, instead of finding that missing piece, we find more pieces just like the ones we already have on our own or more of the pieces we just don't want at all.

Relationships are difficult. Lesbian relationships are hard as hell. There has to be a level of compromise that i've only seen in movies. Women (especially women of color)tend to want to hold on to their issues (good and bad) so they can say, "no one can change me," or "no one's'gonna make me do anything." Before you know it, you and your issues and your "strong woman" declarations are standing all alone.

So when that dream of a relationship that you believed in so much turns out not to be the puzzle piece that you thought it was,step back and take a good look at it. Evaluate whether or not its a piece thats just like the ones you already have that,at the very least, you're already accustomed to dealing with, or is it a piece that is so stuck on not compromising or bending at all to try and fit in your puzzle that you'd'rather not be bothered with at all

On some extra ish right now...

Nik

Series update...again


As I am still currently blogging from my beloved Blackberry or this antiquated dinosur of a p.c, I am going to wait a little longer before I post ome of the responses from the Strapology series. Something iterestin that I have noticed about the things I've been recieving is that, everyone has been telling their first time story. I was thinking more along the lines of tips and tricks to using the man when I made the request for susbmissions, but this is even more interesting.


Things that make you go hmmm.


Nik

Comments..

It was recently brought to my attention that a lot of people are unnaware of the fact that you can leave comments on my posts. The comment form is kinda hindden. So, here's how you do it: after each post theres a spot that says how many comments have been made about it. If you click on that, it will show you the comments that have been left, as well as the form for you to leave new comments of your own. Veery simple. If there are anymore question, email me:facegyrl1@yahoo.com

Nik

Monday, June 15, 2009

*STAR*











I AM ME
I AM MY OWN WOMAN
I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MYSELF FOR A LONG TIME

CHANGE IS GOOD
COMPROMISE IS BETTER
DONT EXPECT MORE THAN YOU GIVE

I LOVE
IN RETURN, I EXPECT LOVE
MORE IMPORTANTLY, I NEED AND DESERVE LOVE

MY LIFE IS NOT YOUR ENTERTAINMENT
IF I AM ONLY PRIVY TO SOME OF YOURS, YOU WILL ONLY BE WELCOMED INTO PARTS OF MINE

I AM NO ONE' S PUPPET
WHENEVER THE DAY COMES THAT I AM EQUAL, THINGS WILL BE DIFFERENT
MY REACTIONS, MY RESPONSES, MY HAPPINESS AND EVERYONE ELSE'S WILL BE DIFFERENT
UNTIL THEN, EXPECT MORE OF THE SAME

MY PERSONALITY WILL NEVER CHANGE
WITH DISCUSSION AND FAIRNESS, MY PERCEPTIONS MIGHT
OTHERWISE, EXPECT MORE OF THE SAME

I AM FINALLY HAPPY WITH ME
AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I CAN BE HAPPY WITH MY DREAM
BUT ONLY IF IT LEARNS TO LISTEN AS WELL AS AT IT DICTATES
CAN YOU SAY THE SAME?

FALLING STAR
NIK


check my footwork
















I AM ADDICTED TO SHOES. JUST FELT LIKE SHARING...
NIK

A Prime F*cking Example

This is what I'm talking about:
This was an article posted in the Memphis Flyer recently. There was an anti-discrimination measure up for vote by the county commission recently and here's what went down...
___________________________________________________________________


Discrimination Protections for Gays Voted Down in County Commission Committee
Posted by Bianca Phillips on Wed, May 27, 2009 at 3:56 PM
"There's nothing wrong with discrimination," said Shelby County Commissioner Wyatt Bunker, while addressing the county commission committee charged with a vote on an ordinance that would prevent discrimination toward gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender workers in Shelby County government.
Though audible gasps from the audience followed Bunker's statement, five other commissioners apparently agreed, as they voted down the ordinance in committee. The ordinance will still go to the full commission for a vote on Monday.
The original ordinance, proposed by commissioner Steve Mulroy, would protect Shelby County employees, workers with county contractors, and employees of large private businesses in unincorporated Shelby County.
Commissioners Deidre Malone and J.W. Gibson proposed an amendment to the ordinance removing protections for all but Shelby County government employees.
"We need to get our own house in order before we can start regulating other people," said Malone.
Gibson also had concerns about the cost of enforcing the ordinance, if passed.
"This will require time and more people," Gibson said.
But Mulroy disagreed, stating that no additional investigators would be needed in the county's human resources office.
"It's not like we're going to have investigators roving the hallways looking for discrimination problems," Mulroy said. "The [Equal Opportunity Employment] Commission investigates based on complaints, just like they already do with other issues of discrimination."
Religious convictions guided the votes of several commissioners, including Mike Carpenter and Bunker. Bunker blamed the ordinance on a "homosexual agenda" and compared protections for gays to "the seven deadly sins."
"Once [homosexuals] get their foot in the door, they push their way through society until [homosexuality] becomes the norm," said Bunker.
Supporters and opposition for the ordinance filled the committee meeting room. Brad Watkins with the Mid-South Peace & Justice Center pleaded with commission members to consider God’s love when using Christian faith to justify their opinion on the ordinance.
"Our faith is one of inclusion and love. We can't say that we love someone and then sit back and discriminate against them," said Watkins.
____________________________________________________________________

Umm excuse me, "there's nothing wrong with discrimination". what the f*ck?! Where they do that at? There's nothing wrong with it when you're not the one being discriminated against. Memphis, Tn baby. The place I was born and raised. And my mother wonders why I have my ass out in San Francisco every three weeks. Ok, religion. Chile, bye.


Nik

Spec-tangalanga-lang























I found this little gem over @ missjia.com
And I quote:

MIAMI — Publishers of the gay ethnic magazine Flava Men have offered $100,000 to R&B singer Spectacular to pose nude in an upcoming issue.
Spectacular is a member of the Miami-based group Pretty Ricky. He inadvertently triggered a internet sensation when, in an effort to promote the group’s new single “Tipsy,” he posted a YouTube video of himself gyrating to the song and wearing only a pair of tight, red bikini briefs. The clip spread virally through the blogosphere.
As the video’s popularity grew, internet gossips questioned Spectacular’s sexual orientation. The original “Tipsy” clip is no longer accessible on YouTube. In several subsequent interviews, the singer declared it had been intended “strictly for the ladies” and challenged other male entertainers to step up their game. In a replacement clip he wears black boxer briefs.
“Flava Men Magazine, produced and distributed by parent company Flava Works, has officially made an offer to Spectacular to pose nude,” a company rep said. “We have secured and confirmed private investors to provide him with $100,000 in compensation for a photo spread featuring him as the magazine’s cover model.”
“Some have loved the video while others have criticized him for his moves and view them as feminine in dancing style,” the rep said. “In the YouTube video Spectacular calls out Trey Songz, Day26, Chris Brown and Omarion to a grinding competition. He even mentions Bow Wow, who does not grind and is a rap artist.”
“We made the offer due to our belief that even straight men can pose for Flava Men Magazine. Our target audience is gay ethnic men of color but many of its models do not engage in sexual acts or practice a homosexual lifestyle,” said Flava Works CEO Phillip Bleicher.
“I would love for Spectacular to do a spread. He would be the first male celebrity to do so. That would be history.”
At post time, Spectacular had not publicly responded to the offer.—XBN
End quote!!!!
I'm just saying, when has this dude not looked sweeter than a ripe honeydew? how you dooooin?
Nik

My thoughts on the matter

I don't know what I just did that is making my computer not post pics on my blog, but I'll deal with that later.

Now on to the biz at hand...

I am a Christian. Yes, I am. I am not a Christian because I was raised to be such (though I was raised in church), or because I was forced into believing. I am a Christian because, on my own, outside of anyone or anything else, I believe. The tenents of Christianity are in my heart and spirit. What I am NOT , is religious. Religion is a disaster and a mess. It has been the foundation of almost every major conflict this world has ever known. It is more devisive and far more dangerous than money. Spirituality teaches love for self, for one another, and for the singular God that put us all here. Religion teaches that there are seperate gods, seperate rules for seperate groups of people. All of this crap based on gender and class and skin color and other bull. The bible says: "Love Thy Neighbor". The end. That's it. Off all the things people choose to harp on, that just isn't one of them. In religion, it's ok to discrminate and persecute and hate all you want as long as majority plays along. Doesn't matter if families are destroyed, children are hurt, people die, whatever. Just so long as the money keeps flowing and people don't have to evaluate anything uique or face the fears that they have of things they may not understand. Well, I just can't with you right now (courtesy of youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com).

I believe in an all powerful God. The one and only. He made me, you, my momma, and the damn spiders that scare the sh*t out of me. All of it. He made us all different and unique, just how he wanted us to be. I had absolutely nothing to do with the making of myself or anyone else. I can not claim to be in control of anyone's personality or traits, including my own, because that is something you're born with. It's no different than the curl of my hair.

My point is this: I make no excuses for my sexuality. I make no excuses for my personality, I make no excuses for the beautiful brown shade of my skin. Why should I. These are all things that came with the packaging that is me. People will forever be divided for one reason or another, but religion, of all things should be the last thing doing the dividing. I know a God who can do any and all things that he chooses. Surely any demon can be cast out by Him. I do not believe that homoseuality is a demon, anymore than I believe heterosexuality is a demon.

Thats just my belief, based on a series of facts that can be easily shown to anyone who wants to listen. All you have to do is open y0ur eyes...and listen.

Pearl's Window: Prophetess Casts Out Homosexual Demon from Parishoner!

Pearl's Window: Prophetess Casts Out Homosexual Demon from Parishoner!


My girl V put me up on this one.

I can't even type what I think about it right now. Gimmie a sec.

Nik

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Ok this is just a test post. I activated my blogger mobile account and im trying to see if i'm doing this right.
Nik

Friday, June 12, 2009

Twitter me baby, go head baby...





I have been putting this off for a very, very long time. This is something I truly do not want to do. Ugh, I am dreading the mere thought. However, at this point in the game, I think it is unavoidable. So here goes: I am going to join Twitter. AGHHHHHHH!!!!!


I don't want to do it. I mean I really don't want to do it. I'm just not into it like that. I know it sounds strange coming from a blogger, but it's almost like I just don't care enough to get into it. Years ago, I got a facebook page because a dear friend (wut up Yaz!) was all about it. I never put one thing on that d*mn page. It just sat there, stuck in cyberspace, forever.


When I first checked out Twitter a while ago, it just seemed like too much d*amn work. Like what's the point? I'm already here on blogger giving up all of my thoughts. Must I get on Twitter and give up all of my actions as well?


Apparently so.


Now after having said all that, let me tell you what's probably going to happen. I'm going to join Twitter and fall madly inlove with the sh*t. It's going to become one more thing I torture my poor Blackberry with at all hours of the day and night. I'm going to be "Twitting" my life away in a weeks time. Mark my words. Never fails...


Ugh..

Well, off I go to join my next addiction.

Nik

Explain this bullsh*t to me, please.

I just went to lunch at a chain restaurant across from my job. They weren't that busy, not even crowded. There were SEVERAL tables open. I sat in the bar area since my break is just an hour and you dont have to wait to be seated over there. Please, somebody, anybody, tell me why this heffa was sitting at the BAR, not even just the bar AREA, but the actual f*cking BAR, with her daughter next to her????!!!! Miss thing had her a presidente' margarita in front of her and the little girl had her little kids cup in front of her. WTH!!!! Why would anyone plop their child down at a bar? Oh lawd, why? Like one of my favorite bloggers, Jia of shesofly.com and missjia.com says: I dont condone n*gga sh*t on any level! A mess...

Nik

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Series 1 update:

I have gotten a few responses on the "Strap-ology 101 series. Some funny, some off the wall. What i'm going to do is wait about a week to post them at the same time. Be patient people, it is a virtue. By all means, keep sending in your responses. And tell a friend about my little blog. The more, the merrier. Its going get very interesting here, I promise!

Email me at
Facegyrl@yahoo.com
Dont click on my email addy from here, go to your actual email provider and send it from there. I have a bug on blogger that i'm working out with my emails.

Ima holla
Thanks
Nik

Monday, June 8, 2009

The unedited ramblings pt:1

I am terrified of spiders.

My friends (aka:the sisters) are my real family They are the most hopelessly heterosexual woman I have EVER seen, yet they love me unconditionally.

I have my very own personal army. Its a great thing to feel so protected not only by God, but by good people.

My son is the most important thing in the world to me. My younger brother is a very close second.

In my life I have made many mistakes, but I can truly say that I learned something from all of them.

I am a firm believer in karma, so there's no need for revenge.

Sometimes I see entire episodes of life in my head. It plays like a movie. Strange, but very helpful.

It is my firm belief that, without a doubt, "thats just my baby daddy" is the dumbest and most embarrassing song (and video)ever created.

I cant front, even though i'm 30 years old, I bump Gucci Mane at least once day. GUCCI!

Never will I understand why or how people can be closed-minded, judgemental, or republican.

Don't know how I survived without ON DEMAND for as long as I did.

I hate scary movies and chick flicks.

Still haven't figured out what love has to do with anything.

If it don't make dollars, it don't make sense.



That's just the tip of the iceberg.
More of me to come
Nik

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Strap-ology 101



This is a topic near and dear to my heart. However, as I am generally on the receiving end, I am pretty sure that I am not the person that should be writing about this. I DO NOT STRAP UP. It's just not going to happen, point blank, period. I just think I look damn ridiclous trying to do that sh*t. I mean, i've done it, but I hated it (she liked it, but who cares about her). I was just so out of my element that I faked every single moment of it, and who has time for all that? Everything aint for everybody, ya know. What I am going to do, is have a few guest bloggers on here that know much more about being "givers." If anyone has something they want to share about this topic, let me know. I know this is a very touchy subject and I am interested to see what people have to say. I am going to withhold my thoughts on the matter until after I see what ya'll think. This should be very interesting.


So welcome to sistahstar.com's first series: strap-ology 101



Got something to say? hit me up - facegyrl@yahoo.com


xoxo

Nik

Friday, June 5, 2009

She got kids.


My last quick post made me think about something else. What about the kids with kids? I mean, if your relationship with your partner doesn't work out, what happens to the relationship that has been built with the child? Considering the fact that your partner DID build a relationship with your child (don't know how you could date someone and that not happen), and considering the fact that we are always looking for something lasting and real, what happens with the kids? As usual, i'm going to use myself as an example. My ex and I were together about three years. She was and is extremely close to my son. I appreciate her for doing all that she has done for him over the years, but i'm not going to act like our relationship hasn't caused problems as I tried to move on. The thing is that, because of how important she is to my son, I made the decision to put up with it, but only to an extent. She was with my son during the early years of his life and he loves her. As a parent, anything that I can give him to make his life less chaotic and difficult, i'm willing to do. I guess my question is: do you break up with the kids when you break up with the parent, and if so, did you ever really care about the child at all? Straight people generally don't drop the kids, so why do we (the fam)? Just wondering...

I am so sad...


I just dropped my son off with his other grandmother for the summer. I missed him before I got out the driveway...



Don't know what to do with myself now.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

Daddy's Girl

Being a lesbian has only served to make my relationship with my mother worse. I would have never that possible, but oh well. One of the more interesting things about my mother is that she is actually the woman who gave birth to me. My daddy, on the other hand, came into my life when I was just a baby and he treats me like a princess. Always has. Sometimes I think that man hung the moon and stars (and i LOVE stars) in the sky just for me. My sexual orientation doesn't piss him off nearly as much as the fact that I jacked the limit back up on my Macy's card after he paid it off-twice. Now that REALLY makes him mad. Its funny, cuz, to me there are things that matter and things that don't. One of the things that just doesn't (or at least shouldn't) matter, as far as I'm concerned, are my sleeping arrangements. I mean, really, who cares? It's just so very strange to me that a person who is not genetically attached to me any way, shape, or form, loves me for me, and my very own mother has completely drank the Kool-aid and is driving me insane. Well, she's'trying to anyways. Once again, im supremely agigtated...again. This will be a recurring theme on this blog. Sorry folks.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

some things you should know.

1. I am not ashamed of who or what I am. So sending me messages talking all sideways to me doesnt bother me at all. Chances are that i've been called a whole lot worse by a whole lot better.

2.I'm probably not going to be posting much until after I get my new laptop.So be a little more patient with me, please and thank you.

3.I've had many lives, each one better than the last. I believe this one to best one yet.

4.I have always taken care of a LOT of people, but now its time to care of me.

Just wanted to get that off my chest

-Sistah-
Nik

3.

*SISTAHSTAR*

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I could rant and rave about me all day. I am one of my favorite subjects. Soon I'll be one of yours too.
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