The Drama and my Momma: Ep 2

I love my momma ( in my best Sophia voice) Lawd knows ah do. But she gets on my last damn nerve. Here's the latest in our drama:

Through no fault of my own, my mother finds her way onto Facebook. Ok fine. Then, several of my close friends from high school and elementary school start reconnecting with her. Cool. My moms is fun if she is nothing else. She was always the mom that my friends wanted to hang with and all that. I have often said that this was because they didnt have to live with her ass, but thats how it goes. Whatever. Anyway, a couple weeks ago I posted some random pics of my son and I and she made some super funny remarks on my wall. However, my BFF from high school also posted some pics of herself and her new boo on her wall. She commented that he was great and wonderful and maybe "the one." Now anyone  who follows me on Twitter/Facebook is perfectly aware of my sexuality. As is my mother of course. I don't expect anything like acceptance or even understanding from my mom. Just peace, but I digress. My beloved MOTHER decides to comment on my BFF's picture by saying the following: 

"are u sure he is the one, if so I'd like to order one for my daughter"

NO SHIT.

All I said in response was something like,"ya'll think I be making this ish up about how crunk moms is." Moving on.Day before yesterday I posted something on my wall about me having to go ham on my server @ my favorite lunch spot cuz this "nigga wit a taco" always be flirting with me. On this particular day, he decides to actually sit his ass down at my booth while im trying to eat and chill. Um hell -to-the-naw!

My Mother took it upon herself to say the following. On Facebook.   

"Do we really have to use such language? Everything on Facebook follows you the rest of your life.You never know what life has in store for you. You could become famous and the first thing the public will say is look at what she wrote on her Facebook page.Your employer may read this. The N word was buried. Its not good grammar for a proffessional. Now can everybody agree and say amen." 

Ok that did it. First of all, I don't say anything in cyberspace that I am ashamed of. I know how to comduct myself on the damn internet. Several of my staff and coworkers are my facebool friends and twitter followers. I told my brother to get his momma the hell up off Facebook two weeks ago. What the hell? But he thought the shit was funny. See the way it works with him and I is this, as long as she's messing with me, she ain't messing withhim. So clearly he didnt listen. Whos momma goes ham on them on FACEBOOK?! To make it all worse is the fact that she was over here, at my house, apparently 15 minuits after she posted the shit. Then when she leaves, I get on facebook and BAM! Umm, so you couldn't just SAY that to me. You felt it was more appropritate to post that shit on FACEBOOK? Right. Gotcha.

First thing this morning I get a phone call from her asking me why I blocked her ass. HMPH. You figure it out.

Neglect...and other family facts

I am so very sorry to those of you that care, about the fact that I haven't posted anything in almost a week. I was completely overloaded at work this week. On top of that, my family reunion was this weekend. Now work is work, but I must explain what I mean by family reunion. My family is humongous and can easily fill up an entire hotel(we almost did). So when we have a reunion, we have a reunion. My mom is the youngest of 14 survivng children, there were actually 20 in all. These people don't play around. My eldest uncle is 75 years old. That means I have cousins old enough to be my grandfather and cousins too young to feed themselves. I managed to survive the events without incident and without seeing anyone doing or wearing anything that would make them a prime candidate for youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com, the later of the two being the bigger shock.

There were several honarable mentions... and some funny sh*t I thought I should share:

1.my son got annoyed by one of my little cousins, so he politely cocked back and thumped her smack in her eye. Not above it, not below it, square in her eyeball. POW! He got dealt with by his uncle, please believe it, but that ish was funny as hell!

2. my mom danced right on out of her shoes, literally.

3. my brother(who is without a doubt one of the funniest people alive) hugged my mom for a picture and in the process, almost pulled her wig off. I about dropped dead right on the spot. My brother almost laughed up a lung. Mom Dukes was not pleased at all. Thats what a women who has hair down to her bra strap gets for wearing a wig to avoid the beauty salon anyway.

4. we had a "madea" impersonator, nuff said.

5. the aforementioned "madea" chased my uncle around the room with her pistol, like for real.

6. all the kids ran to the dance floor when the d.j. played that d*mn stanky leg song. my son (because he is MY son after all) ran the opposite way. to the stage. cuz he needed to be the featured "stanky legger."

7.we officially broke an elevator in the hotel.

Anyhoo, my life should return to some form of normality in the next couple days after the last of the family heads back home to almost every state in the union. I enjoy very much being with my peeps, we are such an ecclectic bunch. I would have loved to have not beenthere alone. Most of my family is well aware that i'm a big lezzie. No one ever really says anything though. When we have our reunion in, we'll be back down in the A baby, and there is no way in hell my girl wont be with me. Hopefully, I won't be sleeping alone on the regular anymore. We shall see. I will be back soon posting my randomness and frustrations about the world we live in very soon.

Love you guys

Tell a friend

Nik

I'm confused...

If the good lord says to me one day,"Nik, it's time for you to find a man." Am I supposed to forgive my mother for how she has treated me in the last few years?