My "gaydar" only works for men. Which used to suck big time when I first came out because I only dated feminine women. Now it sucks because if I'm dating a stud (which is most of the time if I can help it) I never know which chick is feeling my girl. Well, not immediately. Eventually something goes off in my head and the bottles start flying. But I digress. I know people (mostly guys by the way) that can find the family member in a dark black hole (no pun intended). I can't tell unless it is plain and obvious, like flaming. It's so very annoying.

I have often wondered ( and asked) can people tell about me. My straight friends (except for K, she's special) so no. My lesbian friends say no. All my male friends, straight and otherwise, say they had no clue until they were told. So what is about my super femme self that tells anyone that I am gay? Is it just a feeling? There's nothing masculine about me at first glance. Oh and I NEVER, EVER do that extended "look" thing that Gay folks do when they're interested. You know that "let me allow my eyes to lock on yours for just an extra second and smile slightly as I look away," thing. Ok, I have done it, but only once, and I was in Miami so that doesn't count. Anyhoo, I just wanted to put that out here. If anyone has any thoughts on the matter I'd love to hear them. Cuz even though I have no problems being out, I do have a problem being a walking billboard, even if it is just to a few people.

The unedited ramblings pt:1

I am terrified of spiders.

My friends (aka:the sisters) are my real family They are the most hopelessly heterosexual woman I have EVER seen, yet they love me unconditionally.

I have my very own personal army. Its a great thing to feel so protected not only by God, but by good people.

My son is the most important thing in the world to me. My younger brother is a very close second.

In my life I have made many mistakes, but I can truly say that I learned something from all of them.

I am a firm believer in karma, so there's no need for revenge.

Sometimes I see entire episodes of life in my head. It plays like a movie. Strange, but very helpful.

It is my firm belief that, without a doubt, "thats just my baby daddy" is the dumbest and most embarrassing song (and video)ever created.

I cant front, even though i'm 30 years old, I bump Gucci Mane at least once day. GUCCI!

Never will I understand why or how people can be closed-minded, judgemental, or republican.

Don't know how I survived without ON DEMAND for as long as I did.

I hate scary movies and chick flicks.

Still haven't figured out what love has to do with anything.

If it don't make dollars, it don't make sense.



That's just the tip of the iceberg.
More of me to come
Nik