Whats the deal with Lezzies adn threesomes? YUK and HELL NO

For some reason or another, all of my younger Lesbian friends always want to come to me for advice. I find that quit hilarious, considering how good I am at NOT keeping a girlfriend. However, they seem to think I have all the answers because I've been there, done that. I disagree, but if they ask, i'm telling. One recurring theme that I get hit with by the babies (that's what I call all of them).

THREESOMES


*sigh*



I don't get it. I just do NOT get it.  Look, I like sex just as much as the next person. But I'm a relationship girl. And you're telling me I'm supposed to be 100 with having another bitch touching, kissing, and *gasp* f*cking MY girlfriend...while I watch (or partake, or however that sh*t goes).  I'm supposed to enjoy this sh*t? Because I'm a  lesbian? You're telling me I'm NOT supposed to rip this hoe's throat out? I'm NOT supposed to close your eye permanently for even suggesting such a thing? Because I'm a lesbian... Really. Uh, hell no.
Now this is not to say that I haven't done it before. But it was outside of the context of a relationship. My babies always call and ask about having one with their girlfriend dujour (that's girlfriend of the moment for you, uh, yeah). This tells me a couple of things. 1: I am in the minority as a relationship lesbian, and 2: these b*tches out here got the game ALL WRONG.


Once upon a time I offered to "get" a certain girl for my girlfriend at the time as a gift to her for throwing me such an awesome birthday party. Mind you, I was also so drunk at said party that I was asleep before they cut MY birthday cake. That tells you the state of f*cked-up-ness one must be in to get that ish past me. Needless to say, it didn't happen.


Anywhoo, I really wanna know what the thrill is. In straight relationships a threesome is like the big unspoken fantasy of the boyfriend. Its the elephant in the room. You know he's thinking it, You KNOW he wants it. You also know that, in most cases, he has more sense than to even bring it up. But with lesbians its like a given, almost expected. Whenever the issue comes up with the babies I give the truth according to Star and it goes a little something like this:
DON'T DO  IT (especially if you plan on having any type of long term relationship with this girl)
DON'T DO IT (especially if she's a femme and offered it, cuz chances are she's offered it up plenty of times before
DON'T DO IT (especially if your her first, cuz her and the third party are gonna be boning on your down time)
But since you're gonna do it any way, remember this. 
BE SAFE BE SAFE BE SAFE (that's always rule number one)
DO NOT LET IT GO DOWN AT YOU HOME (cuz you will never look at you comfy bed the same again)
and most importantly
BE THE GUEST STAR ( let that one marinate for a minute, it'll come to ya)


Hope that helps someone out there, Cuz i think my babies are just too far gone for salvation. Oh well.




*Star*

Will Gays Go to Heaven?

That was the title of an article I read today in the May 3rd issue of Jet magazine. It was written by Bishop George Bloomer. Bloomer is currently the pastor of Bethel Family Worship Center ( bethelfamily.org ) in Durham, N.C.  
In the article Bloomer expresses that he hates how people who consider themselves homosexual have left the church because they felt all they were receiving was judgment rather than any type of spiritual guidance.He states that, "If we believe anything about what the good book says about heaven, it's a happy place that NONE of us really deserves. No matter how you classify yourself, you had better depend on God's mercy instead of your inherent goodness." I thought that was super heavy. It makes perfect sense, but as we are all aware, common sense ain't common. The Bishop goes on to say, "Is homosexuality an unforgivable sin? No. The only unforgivable transgression is to smugly refuse to bow down before your Creator. That arrogance certainly isn't limited to any particular sexual orientation, nor to any particular kind of sin."

This article opened my eyes in a couple of ways. I wasn't aware that there was a such thing as an unforgivable sin. I also wasn't aware that there was a Bishop out there with the good sense in a grape to understand all of this. Sorry.  After reading the article I did a little research on Bishop George and came across this lovely little hate filled in the name of Jesus blog>>> exministries.wordpress.com Beybey, they where non too pleased with the good Bishop's stance  (or in their eyes, lack thereof) on the subject. But I'm not the least bit surprised by that. It did my little lesbian heart good to read this article. My mind is generally blown on a daily basis by the amount of hate and ignorance that I encounter all dressed up as religion. Thankfully, there are some who have not drank the group think kool-aid and will stand up for what should be plain, clear, and obvious to everyone.


We are all the same filthy rag before HIM.Get over yourselves...


Good Day
*STAR*

WAIT, WHAT THE HELL?! WELL HOW ABOUT THAT?! LOL

OK How about this:
My homegirl (girl A) used to date this chick (girl B). Nothing major, just a quick little fling. They did the do of course, because lesbians CAN NOT keep their hands off one another (LOL).  Anyway, they end up just cool friends. Fast forward. Girl B meets this other chick (girl C), who happens to be SUPER CLOSE with A. B and C don't know this at the time. They start talking and hit it off. Lots in common, good convo, all of that... Then they find out they have that mutual friend in girl A. Yep. Ok so now what? For me its simple. They can be NOTHING more than friends. If you have slept with, or even been to lunch on some "lets check each other out ish" with anyone I consider a real friend, its a wrap. Your ass is and un-dateable and MOST DEFINITELY un-f*ckable. Now had it been just an acquaintance or any other random associate, I would at least give it a second thought, but A and C are BEYOND close. So for me, its a wrap. Its unfortunate too, because from what I can tell, B and C where REALLY where hitting it off. Listening to them talk was so super cute. I could tell it was giving C something she really needed, as she was coming out of a very stressful situation in her life. But OH-THE-HELL-WELL. However, everyone doesn't think like I do(as a matter of fact, NONE of the people I LIKE think like me at all). I know some people are going to say that there are far too few eligible women to allow a good one to slip through your fingers based on some one time fling bs. Or, if the friend was totally cool with it, (which she is) and it only happened once, blah blah blah, go for it...
I can't even do it, nor can I cosign Girl C doing it. This just goes to show once again, how freaking small the black gay community is. Of all the lesbians everywhere, these two find each other and hit it off... SMDH.


Anyway
Input please


*STAR*

What they really want....

If she's a stud she wants:

a girl who doesn't talk much. Looks like a combo of Amer Rose, Toya Carter, and Alicia Keys. A chick who cooks like Bobby Flay, and cleans the floors on her hands and knees. She can't have too much game of her own and not  alot of hustle. MUST have a GREAT job, plenty money in  the bank and the amazing ability to always get some more. Needs to have some street in her, but never use it because that implies that she's a hustler, and as previously stated, thats a no-no.Oh, and she doesn't need to know a lot of people outside of the friends that they share together. Intelligence is cool, but smart will do. Just so long as she's not a dumbass, but she aint gotta talk much anyway. And she must, without a doubt, be the worlds greatest freak in bed. This is non-negotiable.

If she's a stem/soft stud/femme aggressive she wants:

A pretty girl. With connections. Drive and a good hustlers spirit are required. Intelligence is a MUST because she has to move in some pretty big time circles and the stem/soft stud/ femme aggressive can not be embaresed. Hopefully she's organized because the stem/soft stud/femme aggressive  is not. She's stuck in two worlds so her girlfriend MUST also work as her personal assistant/organizer/accountant etc. But for this she will be rewarded with all the things that make her happy. Like expensive shoes and purses. Girl must also, of course, be a world class freak in bed... GO figure.

If she's a Femme she wants: 

The two idiots above.... 

LOL

Star

FOUND THIS WONDERFUL POST OVER AT STUDWITHSWAG.COM

I'M GOING TO NEED FOR YOU RATCHET ASS HYENAS TO READ IT. ITS LONG, BUT ITS

DEFINITELY WORTH IT. As  lesbian who has a less than stellar view of studs, I had to rethink some  things myself after reading this.
__________________________________________________________________________________

The Rules

Be yourself.

Treat your woman like a treasure.

Stay true and committed to you.

Let me begin by saying that identifying as a more dominant or masculine lesbian has little to do with gender maturity and everything to do with finding our internal comfort zone. Gender maturity is something we usually reach by the time we are firmly planted within that comfort zone and begin to embrace it as our own. Being a Butch/AG/Stud Lesbian in today’s society can be a journey within a journey that we struggle to come to terms with daily. These struggles most often encompass not knowing exactly how to embrace our identity in its infancy. Many young studs struggle with issues relating to self-acceptance, identity and self-esteem. Many others, brought on by age and maturity, no longer concern themselves with how they’re seen and viewed by society. Instead, they are concerned with creating and investing in the physical and emotional growth of the gay and lesbian community as a whole. Included is the reinforcement and awareness of re-defining roles and labels within our culture and the promotion of the positivity within both. A community that often tells us that we’re confused about our gender when for the most part we are not demands that our persistent and respectful enlightenment teach them the opposite.

The Stigma

The label “stud” imparts negative feelings and reactions among many lesbians and primarily heterosexual men. This is due in part by perceptions and misconceptions that lesbians and straight women themselves harbor about what it means to be a stud.

Most of us start out as tomboys and only later in life do we begin to embrace our uniqueness, our masculinity and our differences as lesbians within an ever-expanding, diverse gay culture. Some begin to mimic behavior they feel is reminiscent of society’s view of “typical stud behavior” with the onset of “typical stud mentality” following closely behind. Most of the negative behaviors associated with butch lesbians only begin to manifest themselves after they’ve embraced a particular subset of popular culture and its view of sexuality usually through music and art. To a large degree, most of those embracing these behaviors and attitudes have subsequently forced themselves into a role that seemingly does not fit.

The Realizations

• We realize that every stud or butch lesbian is unique. She is an individual. The diversity among us is staggering. Some studs prefer to sag their pants to the knees and others can rock the hell out of a pair of DKNY’s fitted and resting slightly below the waistline.
• We realize that not every stud will turn down the loving touch and tender embrace of another woman, choosing only to give pleasure in lieu of receiving.
• We realize that there are those of us who are highly educated intellectuals with goals for the future. We will work tirelessly to achieve them through any positive means possible.
• We realize that those who have conquered and won the fight of self-acceptance are no longer restricted by society’s view of our womanhood, our lesbianism, our self worth and our labels.
• We realize that those of us who are comfortable with their bodies and their selves have made it. We are no longer confined to others definitions of who we are and what makes us tick. We no longer feel constrained by the judgment of others because we are our own greatest judge.
• We realize that being a stud may not mean being more masculine for some or being more dominant for others, it is everything to do with being well, You.
• We realize that with everything in this world, there are those whose actions give us a bad name, but we refuse to allow those members of our subset to strictly define us. Society does a good enough job doing that on its own.
• We realize that we are the only ones who hold the power in the meaning of these words, regardless of the attitudes of others and their miss-categorizations.
• We have adopted these labels and only we have the power to redefine.
• Those among us who identify as Studs/AGs/Butches are equals, not adversaries.
• Our outward behavior is often attributed to those who identify with us. As with any community, this will have positive and negative connotations. For studs, the negatives have been outweighing the positives for far too long.
• It’s time for change.

The Summation

As a lesbian who identifies as a woman first, soft-“Stud” second, it is my duty to tear down negative stereotypes relating to my fellow gender-bending lesbians. I feel it my duty to express in the only way I can my outright disappointment at studs who adopt misogynistic attitudes and behaviors and incorporate them into their relationships with other women as the norm. You, yes you, are not only wrong, you are shining a negative light on the rest of it and it’s not appreciated.

Being a stud is not about trying to control someone or collect women as trophies. It encompasses everything having to do with treating a woman like the Queen she is. In return, she will embrace you as the female King of her castle or however you wish to be honored by your woman. She will understand that just because you may at times feel entirely comfortable expressing your masculine side, you are 100% woman and that doesn’t mean you want to be a man nor does it give her license to strip you of your womanhood in the process. There were women kings throughout history that took on roles as leaders of entire nations. There is only pride and respect to be found in fulfilling such a role.

Studs have individual set preferences, but diversity among lesbians more feminine than us or androgynous must be respected and embraced in turn. We must not try to set standards upon non-butch identified lesbians in any limiting manner that makes light of her individuality, her appearance, behaviors or attitudes just because of our rigid and faulty nuances. This form of polarization is an unacceptable breeding ground for negativity. We must respect that lesbians who are more feminine than us are just as diverse and hold a very important role in our culture and society. These differences must be honored above all else.

Studs young and old must not allow music culture to dictate and deteriorate their behaviors and actions and the measure of respect they show other women. There is only shame to be felt in the degradation of women, which is often embraced by mainstream music and the youth and adults it inspires.

I’m putting it out there because my sanity depends on it, but thankfully my self worth does not. My ability to co-exist among my gay and lesbian family demands it.

My fellow Studs, AG’s and Butches, we’re done selling ourselves short. We allow those within and outside of our community to define, redefine and ultimately restrict our visibility. The truth is we are about as diverse as a United Nations gathering. We form a powerful cohesive within the lesbian community and our time to shine is now.

We are:

• Mothers
• Daughters
• Sisters
• Grand Mothers
• Matriarchs
• Pretty Bois.
• Pretty Girls.
• Beautiful.
• Average.
• Tomboys.
• Bisexuals
• Transgenders.
• Amateur & Professional Athletes.
• Entrepreneurs
• Writers
• Artists
• Those in the middle who haven’t yet figured it out.
• And so many more…

We are many and we are diverse as one.

We allow others far too much leverage and power in determining exactly who we are, when we should be doing our self. We have the ability and the POWER to define and redefine masculine womanism, dominant lesbianism, tomboyishness, and androgyny. We make up such a force that this topic deserves to be addressed. We owe it to ourselves to aptly follow through in our pursuit of self-confidence, self-esteem and most importantly self-identity in a society that frowns upon those who appear and who are different. Our identity deserves the same respect as any other, even those choosing to transcend their gender. No longer will we allow ourselves to be thrust into a revolving trend where a word that encompasses so many positives is thought of and seen in a largely negative light. We understand that our definition of “stud” may not jive with how another self-imposed stud sees herself. We must no longer make excuses for immature, irresponsible, misogynistic lesbians who call themselves studs, AGs or butch, but instead we must educate. We are empowered through positivity and we aim to promote growth through change in our community.

There are no strict gender roles no matter how you identify in the gay community. In order to be accepted and appreciated for who you are, my advice to you is to be yourself. The gray areas are limitless.

To be continued as deemed necessary.

__________________________________________________________________________________

And there you have it...
-Star-

Natural Hair=Lesbian?

My hair has been natural for about 6 years now. I tried to do the whole, "let the perm grow out but don't cut it all off" thing. That didn't work for me. So one hot summer day, I took my son to the barber shop and hopped right in the chair after he was done. My barber asked how low I wanted to go. It took me all of half a second to say, "bald, I want it gone."  Now mind you, I had a mountain of shoulder length hair on my head. It was a severely  neglected, curly mess. He cut it down to something like one inch without the guards. It was  awesome. You couldn't tell me I wasn't fine. 
About 3 days later, I go to pick up my moms for a funeral. As I'm walking up the stairs I say, "momma, I'm bald, don't freak out." She took one look at me and screamed, then she cried. Then she took a deep enough breath to call me a "bull-dagger." Yeah, I know.



Look-a-here Negroes: I have TONS of friends with natural hairstyles. From Afros to locks to everything in between.All of them are not gay. Most of the new people I have met on my natural hair journey, are not gay. However, it seems like every time i'm in earshot of straight black women and a short/natural haired sister approaches, she is either given "the look" or the mumbling begins.


Women of color, in particular, have always been told that their hair is their crowning glory. My mother is a HUGE believer in this bull. A pretty black woman, with pretty straight(read; Caucasian) hair will have no problem catching a great husband ad having a great life. Because you know, the main prize is a husband, right? So for a women to reject that belief system means she's a dyke. And not just a dyke, but a nappy-headed one at that. 


Hair does not a lesbian make. A chick like me gets hot sometimes and just cuts it all off again. I don't become anymore gay every time I do a big chop, do I? Clearly not. But in the Black community, even with as many straight, and happily married women with natural hairstyles Black folks are still giving the side eye to close cropped sisters. Cuz they think we all wanna get they booty... Please believe this is NOT at all the case. There are some black women who just want to have the option to just get up and go, without being a slave to that creme-o-crack (relaxer). 


Stop being so stereotypical and judgmental, and stupid people. 


Hope this helps...I doubt that it will..


Aiight then,

*Star*
P.S. I had some really cool pics for this post but they wont link so oh well....

There's a billion of us...right?

I get a lot of ideas from the most random places. But I think that's a good thing because it helps me " think outside the box." Lately I have been searching the net (again) for other LGBT blogs by people of color that are actually ABOUT LGBT people of color. When I first decided what I wanted my site to be, I did sort of a generic search on the topic and didn't find too much worth mentioning. I thought this was pretty odd since  there are billions of  blogs out there. There's a blog for every subject imaginable, by every type of writer and with supporters from every walk of life. Even with that, finding other blogs of substance black black lesbians has been more difficult than finding an unhappy man in dark room with Karrin "Superhead" Stephens. 

Eventually I came across a really good one : abrowngirl.com. (check her out) is the best, really the only one worth mentioning that I have found so far. There's a good number of celebrity blogs like blackgaygossip.com, and politicos like keithboykin.com , but those were not really the categories I was searching for. Why is that though? We are EVERYWHERE. We are writers, artists of every kind, and live very diverse and interesting lives. Why are we so under represented in the blogging community? Its not like the typical Hollywood story of "well THEY don't want but a few of us on the television/small screen". Blogger, Wordpress, and a host of other blog sites are scott free. No one else has any control over who gets to have a Blogspot. Even a HUGELY successful one is at the mercy of the owner. So where are we hiding and why? 


As usual, I was just curious...


*Star*

You Fail @ Life

Everybody always says that they aren't with any drama and they avoid it all cost and yada yada yada. There are those who truly mean it when they say this. However, it is my true and firm belief that, in the life, there are a great many who not only stay in some drama, they seek it out and can not live without it. One such individual crossed paths with me and a couple friends of mine a few weeks ago. This particular individual used to be an acquaintance of mine and, as far as I knew, was still an acquaintance of mine until I had to shame her ass in front of her coworkers. I spoke to her, being cool, she barked, I bite. Simple. My ex just happened to be with us when this happened so you can imagine how that went. Ok, whatever, move forward. Last night I am RUDELY awakened by my phone blowing up. I'm thinking somebody must be dead or dying calling me like that. Not at all the case. My ex is out chilling and the previously mentioned former acquaintance just happens to be out with her crew. They see each other and sparks start flying. So my ex is on my phone telling me that if she goes to jail tonight, I need to bail her out. (well of course, im gonna bail you out, but if you go to jail for fighting that loser in the club your ass will most definitely sit there 24 hours before I come and get you out). That fool is top flight security of the world, you (the ex) works for the damn sheriffs department. Who's gonna lose more? See my ex is a country bama ass, "I'll fight you to the death in the dirt on principle," type of girl. She drives me literally insane, but she's good as gold. So I tell her to get outta there cuz we, as a crew, are far too fly to fight in the club. However, the aqauintence is a, "I think i'm Boosie bad azz even though life has taught me otherwise plenty of times," type. Needless to say I say f*ck it and go back to sleep. I find out the next day that all was well, but there is a storm brewing and I know it.
The impending storm is the direct result of little miss top flight being one of those drama types. If you know more than five lesbians this description will make perfect sense to you. This girl tries, pretends, tells herself that she is a man and this is how a man acts. Walking around all day with her chest all stuck out. Got the girlfriend with the head to toe Holidays outfit on, full head of synthetic hair, 3.5 inch (hot pink) acrylics, plastic shoes that never touch the ground, etc.  She rides with her fake watch hanging out the window, cuz to her, thats what real niggaz do, she slaps her girlfriend around cuz to her, thats what real niggas do. Blah, blah, blah...
What she fails to realize or is to stupid to recognize is that real bitches don't eff with dudes that act like that cuz that aint real either. So why in the hell would a real bitch eff with a female that acts like a fake dude? Too many angles, not enough time.
I know drama-lovers come in all shapes and sizes. I have been told that I am excessively hard on the gay community. I don't think so. I think I just state facts and to me it appears that every 6th gay person falls into this unfortunate category. And I am sick to death of these b*tches. I wonder if we gave them their own night at the club would they eventually just get rid of each other for the rest of us? That sounds like a good idea. I may have to look into that. I'll call it Drama-Zone , hosted by Drama-free, featuing DJdrama.. Lol. I like that.
You heffas get on my reserve f*cking nerve..
*STAR*

Not Such An Invisible Life

I had to come back and say something about the death of one of my favorite authors, Mr. E. Lynn Harris. Harris passed away after collapsing suddenly at an L.A. stop on his book tour. This man didn't just open the dialogue about "non-identifying males who sleep with males" (uh , yeah, down low brotha's), he kicked the door open and never looked back.

There is something bothering about Mr. Harris' death (besides the fact that we will no longer have his great work to look forward to).

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE RIDDLE ME THIS: Why is it that EVERY EFFING TIME a homosexual person dies suddenly, the rumors AIDS/HIV rumors immediately start popping up? It is an absolute possibility that Mr. Harris was stricken with that terrible disease. It is also possible that just about anyone who dies suddenly in this day and age may have been infected. It is also possible that he had a brain tumor, an aneurysm, hyper-thyroid ism, or any number of ailments. But because he was a gay man, all you hear is, "oohh I bet he had that package."

Why are people so stupid? It really drives me crazy(er)! We may come to find out that Mr. Harris did have HIV/AIDS. We may find out that he didn't. But that seed will always be in someones mind about his sudden death. It's unfortunate and unfair.

One thing that I have learned about my community is that, if no one else is getting tested, we are(understand that my community includes all professional, educated, established, non club hopping, non bed hopping, rainbow belt/earring/bumper sticker/bracelet/shoestring/suspenders all at the same time members of the GLBT community). Its more often than not those closet cases, the women with husbands who want to lay up with the hot chick from work every time she gets the chance, and, of course the "covered" types, that have bought into the lie that they are selling the world so deeply that they really don't believe that they need to be tested. We are in a sad, sad, state.

E.Lynn Harris was an amazing writer, educator, and philanthropist. He will be truly missed.

Neglect...and other family facts

I am so very sorry to those of you that care, about the fact that I haven't posted anything in almost a week. I was completely overloaded at work this week. On top of that, my family reunion was this weekend. Now work is work, but I must explain what I mean by family reunion. My family is humongous and can easily fill up an entire hotel(we almost did). So when we have a reunion, we have a reunion. My mom is the youngest of 14 survivng children, there were actually 20 in all. These people don't play around. My eldest uncle is 75 years old. That means I have cousins old enough to be my grandfather and cousins too young to feed themselves. I managed to survive the events without incident and without seeing anyone doing or wearing anything that would make them a prime candidate for youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com, the later of the two being the bigger shock.

There were several honarable mentions... and some funny sh*t I thought I should share:

1.my son got annoyed by one of my little cousins, so he politely cocked back and thumped her smack in her eye. Not above it, not below it, square in her eyeball. POW! He got dealt with by his uncle, please believe it, but that ish was funny as hell!

2. my mom danced right on out of her shoes, literally.

3. my brother(who is without a doubt one of the funniest people alive) hugged my mom for a picture and in the process, almost pulled her wig off. I about dropped dead right on the spot. My brother almost laughed up a lung. Mom Dukes was not pleased at all. Thats what a women who has hair down to her bra strap gets for wearing a wig to avoid the beauty salon anyway.

4. we had a "madea" impersonator, nuff said.

5. the aforementioned "madea" chased my uncle around the room with her pistol, like for real.

6. all the kids ran to the dance floor when the d.j. played that d*mn stanky leg song. my son (because he is MY son after all) ran the opposite way. to the stage. cuz he needed to be the featured "stanky legger."

7.we officially broke an elevator in the hotel.

Anyhoo, my life should return to some form of normality in the next couple days after the last of the family heads back home to almost every state in the union. I enjoy very much being with my peeps, we are such an ecclectic bunch. I would have loved to have not beenthere alone. Most of my family is well aware that i'm a big lezzie. No one ever really says anything though. When we have our reunion in, we'll be back down in the A baby, and there is no way in hell my girl wont be with me. Hopefully, I won't be sleeping alone on the regular anymore. We shall see. I will be back soon posting my randomness and frustrations about the world we live in very soon.

Love you guys

Tell a friend

Nik

I really needed this.

After sitting through yet another display of black women's ass being portrayed as the only meaningful part of their body ( i'm watching MTV Jams) in Drake's new video, I thought I had better feed my soul with something worthwhile. Quickly. For those of you not up on her, this is Hanifah Walidah. She...is... the Truth. She is not a conventional beauty or a conventional artist, but she is hot to death. Celibrate something different, and better. Listen to the lyrics, don't just check out the track. Definately GOole-worthy. Enjoy...

Nik

This may be a little heavy for ya'll,but it's so true.

Found at BET.com


"Black people are equal now, and gay people aren't," Emil Wilbekin, a black gay man and editor of Giant magazine, told the Associated Press recently.


Keith Boykin If only it were that simple. But it's not. Black people still aren't equal and neither are gays. It doesn't help the gay rights cause to exaggerate the success of the black struggle or to diminish the success of the LGBT movement.

But in the weeks since Proposition 8 passed in California, much of the conversation that has taken place has moved from the simplistic to the ridiculous, including the argument blaming the small minority of blacks in the state for killing gay marriage. Fortunately, two of the smartest responses have come from African American columnists Clarence Page and Charles Blow.

What Went Wrong In California?

Page responds to an article in the Dec. 16 issue of The Advocate, a gay magazine, that boldly declares: "Gay is the New Black." Not quite, says Page. Instead, "gay is the new gray," he argues.

As a columnist for the Chicago Tribune, Page supports same-sex marriage, but he's not too impressed about the comparisons that some gay rights advocates have made between the LGBT struggle and the fight for racial equality.

Gay rights leaders are "tragically correct," he says, to point out the hate crimes perpetrated against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. "But the history and nature" of the two struggles "is so different as to serve to alienate potential allies instead of winning them over," he writes.

New York Times columnist Charles Blow is equally helpful in his recent opinion piece about same-sex marriage. Noting the significantly higher number of black women than black men who voted in California, Blow argues against the strategy of using interracial marriage as a point of similarity to gay marriage in trying to win over black women.

"Marriage can be a sore subject for black women in general," he writes. Citing 2007 Census Bureau data, Blow says "black women are the least likely of all women to be married and the most likely to be divorced. Women who can't find a man to marry might not be thrilled about the idea of men marrying each other."

I disagree with Blow's analysis about black women in relation to men on the down low, but he is exactly right about comparing interracial marriage to same-sex marriage. That's a non-starter for many black women and not an effective argument to win them over.


Are Blacks More Homophobic?


Whenever we talk about race, it's important to remember that the black community is not monolithic and sometimes paradoxical. Although blacks tend to be socially conservative, we are also politically progressive.

Despite black opposition to same-sex marriage, when you look at other LGBT issues (that don't concern marriage, sex or relationships), blacks are as likely -- and in some cases more likely -- to support pro-gay policies than whites are. Polls on employment discrimination, gays in the military, gay housing discrimination, and even the gay adoption ban passed in Arkansas last month indicate that blacks have actually been more supportive of gay rights than whites on these issues.

And blacks have repeatedly elected and re-elected gay supportive politicians. It's not just the black mayors across the country, but also the members of the Congressional Black Caucus, who form the most supportive demographic voting bloc for gay rights issues in the Congress, except for the gay caucus itself. And that's not to mention the nation's only two black governors, both of whom support same-sex marriage.

The issue is not whether blacks are homophobic or not. Of course we are. We all live in the same racist, sexist, classist, misogynist, homophobic, heterosexist, culturally imperialistic society. Everyone is affected by those prejudices at some level. The question, though, is whether blacks are more homophobic than others, and that depends, of course, on how you measure homophobia.

On the personal level for many black gays and lesbians, the black community certainly feels more homophobic for those who face the slings and arrows of insult from their friends, family, church members and co-workers. But on a political level, it's hard to prove that blacks are any more homophobic than whites.


Even back in the 1990s, when I wrote my first book, polls showed blacks were more supportive than whites of outlawing employment discrimination against gays, but blacks were still far less supportive of same-sex marriage than whites. How do you explain that?

A New Strategy For Same-Sex Marriage Supporters


Many critics of black homophobia fail to grasp the difference between the politically progressive and the socially conservative streaks in the African American community. To communicate effectively to blacks, you need to know how to frame these issues.

If you can figure out how to frame the gay question as a political issue for basic rights instead of a social issue about acceptance, then blacks are much more likely to support it. That's a hard sell for same-sex marriage because many blacks see marriage as a religious structure, not a civil institution. But it creates opportunities to learn effective messaging.

It's important to remember the messenger is just as important as the message. Straight black people are not likely to sympathize with white people preaching to them about the evils of gay discrimination. That's a message that can most effectively be delivered by other blacks, straight and gay. Until the white LGBT movement learns this obvious point and implements strategies to include many more LGBT people of color in positions of visibility and responsibility, they are doomed to repeat the same tragic mistakes of their past failures.

It's also not helpful for gays to equate one movement with another. The civil rights movement is not the same as the gay rights movement, racism is not the same as homophobia and blacks are not the same as gays.


Although there are similarities between the two movements, there are also major differences. But why do gay activists feel the need to prove the struggles are the same in the first place?

America doesn't ask women, Jews, people with disabilities or immigrants to prove that their discrimination is identical to black suffering, and yet no one denies that sexism, anti-Semitism, ablism and xenophobia exist in our society. So why should gays and lesbians need to prove that their suffering is identical to black suffering in order to be treated equally under the law? That doesn't make much sense, but we're not talking logic here; we're talking prejudice.

Gay activists are also deceiving themselves if they think they can change public opinion simply by proving that homosexuality is not a choice. Blackness is not a choice either, and that hasn't stopped prejudice against African Americans.

Sure, we can easily blame black homophobia on religion, but it's not that simple either. The black church is a paradox. It is the most homophobic institution in the black community and at the same time the most homo-tolerant. Just scan the gay members of the choir the next time the pastor wanders off into one of his fire and brimstone sermons about homosexuality and you'll understand. We have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about homosexuality in the church.

We have the same policy in parts of the black community. That's why we often downplay the LGBT identities of many of our black heroes and sheroes. And yet who could imagine black culture without James Baldwin, Lorraine Hansberry, Alvin Ailey, Angela Davis, Billy Strayhorn, Barbara Jordan or the Rev. James Cleveland?

Yes you can argue until you're blue in the face that not all blacks are straight and not all gays are white. Yes you can prove that homosexuality is not a "white thing" invented by Europeans and you can show that it existed in pre-colonial Africa. Yes you can refute the simplistic argument that "gays did not have to sit at the back of the bus as blacks did" by simply pointing to black gays and lesbians who endured segregation with their straight counterparts. And yes you can remind people that Dr. Martin Luther King's closest political adviser, Bayard Rustin, was a black gay man, and he helped to organize the 1955-56 Montgomery bus boycott.

Some people will get it; some won't. But why should you have to prove all of this simply to win the "right" to be treated equally? Who cares if gay is the new black? In the end, it doesn't and shouldn't matter.

It doesn't matter which group was first oppressed, or which is most oppressed, or whether they are identically oppressed. What matters is that no group of people should be oppressed. As long as various groups continue to focus on the hierarchy of oppression, they will validate the hierarchy and minimize the oppression

Profound...

Some things to think about...

"When we are as angered by the rape and murder of 7 year old Sherrice Iverson, as we are about the murder of Matthew Shepard, we will come together.

"When we are as outraged by the history of this country as we are about the Texas slaying of James Byrd, Jr., we will begin to strategize.

"When we are as intolerant of the deportation of Mexicans from California, their ancestral homeland, as we are about being gay-bashed, we will move forward.

"When we understand that the boss who rapes his employee and the guard who rapes the prisoner and the police officer who rapes the sex-worker, all rape for the same reasons, we will strengthen.

"When we recognize that the people who created the myth of the black male rapist, 130 years ago, are the same people who created today's myth of "criminal" youth, we will no longer be controlled.

"And when we believe that fighting for the human rights of everyone is in our own self-interest, we will begin to create a just society free from hate violence of any kind."

-excerpted from Anne King's speech for San Francisco Women Against Rape, 10/17/98

You betta wurk, b*tch!!

Some Real Jaycettes and Some Not So Real Jaycettes

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We have this phenomenon in the south called the J-cettes(sp?). As a matter of fact, I'm not totally sure that it's just a southern thing anymore. The J-cettes in "real" life are the majorettes from Jackson State University in Jackson,MS. They accompany one of the Baddest bands in the land: The Sonic BOOOOOOM of the South! THEY....GO...HARD...

Anyhoo,

Many of the queens have wanted to be a part of different groups like the Delta's and the Jaycettes their entire life. Because of that, a sort of counter-culture has emerged in the black gay world. There are several groups of boy "Jaycettes" and even pseudo sororities (which I do not condone, by the way). And huney,they do not play around. They have uniforms, and practices, routines, the works. So when pride time rolls around, they pull out all the stops. I managed to get some good picures of the "squads" this time. Enjoy.

Nik

Pearl's Window: Prophetess Casts Out Homosexual Demon from Parishoner!

Pearl's Window: Prophetess Casts Out Homosexual Demon from Parishoner!


My girl V put me up on this one.

I can't even type what I think about it right now. Gimmie a sec.

Nik