Locked and Loaded. (the sober edition)

I have decided not to move back to California. Its good to be wanted. I worked really hard. But I've done the West Coast, time to head in another direction.

It is truly hot as monkey nuts in Memphis right now. This shit is unreal. I'm outta here for at least a month. Shit.

New relationships are always interesting. Passion is great, but the true connection has to happen when everyone has all of their clothes on. Ask me how I know.

I HATE HATE HATE when lezzies break up with someone and all of a sudden try and act like the ex wasnt all that. Ol' girl was the hot nu nu when you where together, but now she's wack? Chyle please. My ex was a BEAST. Would I get with her ever again? Hell would have to freeze over 15 times. Make that 20.

Two people that are EXTREMELY important to me are now wanging each other. I have a mini panick attack whenver one of them calls me. Its funny...sometimes.

West Coast women are the party. East Cost women are the business.

 LOL

-Nik

1 RECOGNIZE WHAT HAPPENED

    once you accept and believe that it is over, you can start the real healing process. 

2. FEEL (AND ACCEPT) THE ANGER

    let it burn. period. and its gonna burn bad. but deal with it.

3. GET SUPPORT

    call on YOUR friends. not your mutaul friends. just those that are gonna be there and remind you how awesome      you are. cuz we tend to forget this when we get blindsided. 

4. MOURN THE LOSS, BUT DON'T WALLOW IN SELF PITY

    Mourn the person being gone. You loved them, so clearly they where someone very special in your life. but do not   stop living. and stay away from drugs and/alcohol. this will make it all worse.

5. GET CLOSURE

    say whatever it is you feel to that person. if they wont see you or talk to you. write it down and burn it. but get it out.

6. NO REBOUNDS

     DON'T DO IT!!!!!

7. LET IT ALL OUT

    kick, yell, scream, whatever. its extremely therapeutic. 

8. LOOK AT YOURSELF

    dumper or dump-y, it takes 2 to tango. think about what part you played in this. so you don't drag it to you next relationship. 

9. "THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL US, MAKES US STRONGER"

     remember that tomorrow is another day. and no matter how bad you feel, this will not kill you. 

10.LET GO AND LET GOD...

     self explanatory

Bye...

 STAR

Miss Nikki Chanel

Hustlin' Backwards: No Beuno

I follow some GREAT blogs. One of my absolute FAVS is absolutebrook.com Brook is a unique personality (at least she seems so from her blog, I don't know her personally). She speaks her mind. A lot of opinions are a slap in the face to conventional beliefs. Ususally she's on some " put the mirror in your face" type-a-stuff, which I just love! Anyhoo, she did a post on a topic that I had been wanting to write about for the last couple of weeks. SEX WITH THE EX. I wanted to do post on this, not because I'm planning on participating, but because sooooo many people do it and end up regretting it in the end. I have discovered in my , ahem, research, that in the LGBT community, we tend to "dip back in" on average around three times before we just walk away. Bad idea. Doing the horizontal mambo with someone that you broke up with a long time ago just confuses any type of future relationship you two may have been able to salvage. Getting it on with someone you JUST broke up with makes it almost impossible for you to really get over and move on from the situation. Especially if you two really had something. Especially if the sex is good. You will NEVER be able to let go of someone that you loved if you keep having sex with them. Lesbians are the worst at this. Women are such emotional creatures and we equate so many things with sex that make it much more than a physical thing. So if ever anyone who reads this takes a piece of advice from this little blog of mine, let it be this: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX!!! DONT DO IT, BAD IDEA, RUUUUUNNNNNN!!


Consider the reasons that you are not with that person. Did they disrespect you, did you cheat on them, where they dishonest, abusive?  Whatever the reason is, it was strong enough and important enough to at least one of you to make you end the relationship. That should also translate into " you dont desearve this good good" either. P*ssy will never make anyone do anything for too long (except white men). No matter how good it is. Its a bonus, its an extra. People stay with folks that are terrible in bed ALL THE TIME. Don't confuse good sex with good treatment. If it ain't worth being with that person, then it damn sure ain't worth sleeping with that person. I'm just saying... 


Thats all.


*Star*

Drugs are bad, ummkay...

My home girl used to date this chick that I absolutely can not stand. I mean I detest this person. My friends mean the most to me and ol' girl was wrong out the gate. I am not the type of friend that just rolls with you when you wrong because your my friend either. So the friends ex that I'm referring to was just truly the worst thing ever. Long story short (and because its not my story to tell), the ol' evil wench has reared her tired ass head again.

I said all of that to say this. It takes to two to tango, clearly. However, some people just take comfort in other people's misery. They can not stand to see anyone happy, but themselves and sometimes not even that. Misery loves company and common sense ain't common, but how many times does a person have to show you that 1.they ain't bout shit, 2. they don't mean you and yours any good, and 3. they are miserable and will do their damnedest to make sure somebody(oh hell, you'll do) is just as miserable as they are? How many times does a person have to say: "I don't give a fuck about me, so damn you, but I don't want to be alone in the meantime," before you REALLY cut that water off?

It took me a long time to realize that the worst situation I ever allowed myself to be involved in was just what it was: nothing. My friends watched with absolute horror as I accepted and endured (and eventually partook in) some of the dumbest sh*t ever. But I was comfortable. Once I wasn't comfortable anymore, I got on down. When I really saw it for myself, it was done. Once you've seen it though, and verbalized it and made moves that indicate that you have seen just how re-damn-diculous dealing with leeches really is, how does one justify to themselves sticking around or,worse, going back?

Poison is one of those things that doesn't weaken over time, it gets stronger. The human body does the same thing too, though. The longer you're off crack, the easier it is for you to walk past it and not be affected.

Resist the opportunity by any means necessary to cheapen yourself and blow your sobriety for a quick hit. Cuz that's how ya ass got hooked the first time.

I'm just saying.

*STAR*

She got kids.

My last quick post made me think about something else. What about the kids with kids? I mean, if your relationship with your partner doesn't work out, what happens to the relationship that has been built with the child? Considering the fact that your partner DID build a relationship with your child (don't know how you could date someone and that not happen), and considering the fact that we are always looking for something lasting and real, what happens with the kids? As usual, i'm going to use myself as an example. My ex and I were together about three years. She was and is extremely close to my son. I appreciate her for doing all that she has done for him over the years, but i'm not going to act like our relationship hasn't caused problems as I tried to move on. The thing is that, because of how important she is to my son, I made the decision to put up with it, but only to an extent. She was with my son during the early years of his life and he loves her. As a parent, anything that I can give him to make his life less chaotic and difficult, i'm willing to do. I guess my question is: do you break up with the kids when you break up with the parent, and if so, did you ever really care about the child at all? Straight people generally don't drop the kids, so why do we (the fam)? Just wondering...