A Quick Update...

Just wanted to drop a line or two and let you guys know that i'm still here. I'm just super busy, but it's a good thing this time.I get the most most emails when I write personal stuff and the infamous Locked and Loaded posts. So i'm gonna do a "semi locked and loaded" post right quick. Just to tide you over until I get all this stuff where it needs to be.So here you go.
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My hair has gotten way too long to deal with. Im trying really hard not to wack it all off. 


I have drank enough wine in the last week to completely destroy whats left of my liver...and yours. And i'm on my way to get more right now. 


Where can a sister get a decent soul food dinner around  here? I mean, is it really THAT hard to add salt to the flour BEFORE you put  the chicken in it? 


Just found out I get a 50% discount at Karmaloop.com! FOREVER!  Jesus take the magentic stripe off my credit card...


Why does Itunes hate so hard on PC users? They are really messing with my sanity right now. 


This no car note thing. I could totally get used to this. 


Packing sucks.


Moving sucks.


Being able to behold God all around you while standing out on your balcony, does NOT suck. 


Once you've had Verizon, every other cell phone carrier sucks. Period.


Last night my ex-husband proved, once again, that he is nothing more than a gigantic asshole and a glorified babysitter. 


My son is hilarious. I mean like Bernie Mac type of funny. He  gets it from his momma (in my Juvie the great voice)


The wine just kicked in...


I See ya Looking 


* That Damn Star*( is a cold piece of work)

I'm Know I haven't posted anything substatial in while, but I have been overwhelmed yet again. I promise to get back on my blog grind...AS SOON AS I GET SETTLED IN CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!!!!! 
YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR*
BOOM!

Excuse me, but what did you just say?

BLANK.EFFING.STARE...
*BLINK BLINK*
*DIES*
(found @ youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com)


*Here lies Star*

I Told You These Rednecks Waz Gonna Clown.../WTF News...

A few weeks ago I did a post about the vandalism of the inclusion billboards that the MGLCC (Memphis Gay and Lesbian Center) had put up for National Coming Out Day. Following that incident there was a scheduled rally in support of the center and what they where trying to do. I stated that if they thought these dumb mo-mo's around here where just going to let go and let God, then they had another thing coming. I have been proven correct. Follow this link and watch the video.


MAN ACCUSED OF ATTEMPTED ARSON AT MEMPHIS GAY AND LESBIAN COMMUNITY CENTER

http://www.wmctv.com/global/category.asp?c=151146&clipId=&topVideoCatNo=15040&topVideoCatNoB=105461&topVideoCatNoC=117912&topVideoCatNoD=169582&topVideoCatNoE=106890&autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=4293707&flvUri=&thirdpartymrssurl=

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These ignant (yes, ignant) momo's make me ill...


*STAR*

*Rolls Eyes*

Sometimes I really think things are put in front of me STRICTLY because people want to see what I'm going to do with them. It was my sincere intention NOT to even watch the above videos when they where first brought to my attention on Twitter. Unfortunately, I was kinda hustled into watching  them anyway.

*Le sigh*

Who you think you gaming?
We dont believe you, you need more people.
This mess is dancing on that special nerve I save just for my mother.

As I have stated before, I don't dig religion. I am spiritual, I am a believer, but organized religion, um No Beuno. A cult is a cult. Just because your cult gets tax exempt status, that doesn't change what it is. The thing that probably bothers me the absolute most about the whole thing is the manner in which he is speaking. So matter-of-factly, as though its just a fact.I am so sick of talking about, thinking about, explaining my sexuality in relation to my relationship with God. I am so sick of being told (by people like me , no less) that I am less than a child of God, because my body isn't attracted to a man. I am so past being belittled in the name of the bible. The same bible that has been re-interpreted, misquoted, misread, chopped, AND screwed more times than a Mike Jones mixtape. I.AM.DONE. I hope that my annoyance and frustration is being conveyed through this post. How in the HELL does the one who has rocks thrown at him, become the thrower? Why is this mob mentality OK. Why is it so intense? Why can't there be enough sense in the room for us to see what's reality of whats going on?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?? This is so horrible. This man is standing in a pulpit, at a church convention, in my hometown (yay, to Memphis for more BS) "preaching" lies and  hate.You know what, im getting too emotional doing this post. Im not even going to finish it....

*Star*

Speak a Piece...

Those who don't do---teach
Those who don't believe---preach
So I would much rather seek
God through you
Confess my imperfection to you
So at least when our conversations are through
I wasn't bewitched with theological bullshit
from well dressed hustlers standing in the pulpit
I say to them game recognize game
Christ said church is where two or more are assembled in my name
and when i am with you
God is with me
and when i am inside you
God becomes we
And heaven and hell have no division
so in tuned that we no longer make love
we make religion

By: Six
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The things that be in my inbox.... whoo chyle....

*STAAARR*

I'll SLAP FIRE FROM YO MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I usually don't condone ish like this, but this is BEYOND funny.

Bwaaaaahahahahaaaahahahaaa lollolllolollolol......



All I could think about watching this video is my home girl Dred in DC. Those of you who know her, whoo chyle, can you imagine??!! Somebody would end up missing some teeth!

*Le Twinkle*

Hustlin' Backwards: No Beuno

I follow some GREAT blogs. One of my absolute FAVS is absolutebrook.com Brook is a unique personality (at least she seems so from her blog, I don't know her personally). She speaks her mind. A lot of opinions are a slap in the face to conventional beliefs. Ususally she's on some " put the mirror in your face" type-a-stuff, which I just love! Anyhoo, she did a post on a topic that I had been wanting to write about for the last couple of weeks. SEX WITH THE EX. I wanted to do post on this, not because I'm planning on participating, but because sooooo many people do it and end up regretting it in the end. I have discovered in my , ahem, research, that in the LGBT community, we tend to "dip back in" on average around three times before we just walk away. Bad idea. Doing the horizontal mambo with someone that you broke up with a long time ago just confuses any type of future relationship you two may have been able to salvage. Getting it on with someone you JUST broke up with makes it almost impossible for you to really get over and move on from the situation. Especially if you two really had something. Especially if the sex is good. You will NEVER be able to let go of someone that you loved if you keep having sex with them. Lesbians are the worst at this. Women are such emotional creatures and we equate so many things with sex that make it much more than a physical thing. So if ever anyone who reads this takes a piece of advice from this little blog of mine, let it be this: DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX!!! DONT DO IT, BAD IDEA, RUUUUUNNNNNN!!


Consider the reasons that you are not with that person. Did they disrespect you, did you cheat on them, where they dishonest, abusive?  Whatever the reason is, it was strong enough and important enough to at least one of you to make you end the relationship. That should also translate into " you dont desearve this good good" either. P*ssy will never make anyone do anything for too long (except white men). No matter how good it is. Its a bonus, its an extra. People stay with folks that are terrible in bed ALL THE TIME. Don't confuse good sex with good treatment. If it ain't worth being with that person, then it damn sure ain't worth sleeping with that person. I'm just saying... 


Thats all.


*Star*

On to the next one...

NOW BEFORE I WRITE THIS, I MUST SAY SOMETHING...
All of my posts are not directly related to me. Even when I don't say so. Listen to the message, don't shoot the messenger.
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EVERYBODY'S RELATIONSHIP IS SHOT TO SH*T RIGHT NOW!!!
WTH? EVEN MY STRAIGHT FOLKS GOING THROUGH IT!!! IS THERE SOMETHING IN THE WATER? CAN'T BE THE SAME THING IN THE WATER IN TN, AL, CA, IL, AND GA?! CAN IT?



Come on people! How is it that everyone lost their minds at the same time? I have the Captain who's ex is still ACTING like they're in a relationship. Another one of my girls (who is married) is pregnant by some other random dude. One of my homies ex even went so far as to write up a fake lease to keep her out of her OWN damn apartment! AND another friend on the west coast, her girl actually went to the Laker game with her ex "cuz the tickets were free." Ummm, like them mofo's wasn't gonna have another 90 freaking games this season. Quit playing!!! Then my, ummm....well my swee...umm gir..my exxxx,  oh hell, I don't even know what to call her.

Every needs to go back their corners, wait for the bell to ring, and start the hell over again.


By the way, this technically qualifies as a"Locked and Loaded" post. In case ya'll hadn't noticed. 
*sips wine*
And Good Evening
*Starrrra*

Label Whores...

"If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies of me and eaten alive."-Audre Lorde

"Nobody built like me, I designed myself." -Jay-Z

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Lesbian, Dyke, Homo, Bull-Dagger( thats my moms favorite). That's what I am to the straight world. Then there's Femme, Femme-Aggressive, Dominate Femme, Stem, Stud, and Soft Stud categories that I fall into on any given day depending on who i'm with or how i'm dressed. Im sure there's a  host of other labels that Im forgetting about here. And dont even get me started on the boys. That list could go on forever. 
For me, its not really that big of a ldeal to fit into a category, but for the world, if you cant be defined you can't be controlled and that's a problem. As a group of non-conformists, one would think that the LGBT community would recognize this and shy away form labeling ourselves. However, we have fallen right in step with the world.

Since the day I posted that I was single I have been getting these emails from people stating that they were a ____ year old, femme/stud/stud AG/stem/whatever, wondering if they might be my type and if we could connect. Firts of all, if you're "lurking" on my blog, I cant fool with you. This is a business. Period. Secondly, as I read these emails and noticed the patterns of how people were describing themselves, I thought how intersing it was that everyone felt the need to hang a tag over their head. Straight people don't introduce themselves that way. Have you ever had, or even heard of a dude stepping ot a female with this: 

"Hi im so-and-so, im a 29 year old medium build dude, brown skinned, and I wear locks in my hair to give the appearance that I'm taller and more enlightened than I really am."


Sidenote: If you really want to impress a mofo, introduce yourself by giving your full government name followed immediately by the number of children/baby mommas you have, tell what your 401K is looking like these days and give your FICO score.

OK. 
For the sake of this post I'll drop myself in a box and wrap it up in a cute little bow for ya'll. I am GROWN. I like strong women (well one strong women in particular, but we've been over THAT enough already). I got a MEAN shoe game and a SICK purse fetish (wut up GOTTI). I may have on Creative Rec's in the daytime and Botega's at night. I have lots of tattoos and will be getting more soon. Oh yeah, and im a great big Lezzie. Does that help? No? Awwww, too bad then

Chances are, if you follow or lurk on my blog you're either Gay, Gay friendly, a member of my family, one of my "sisters", or a member of my "army." Its just that simple. I think its a pretty safe assumption that if you're emailing me on some "can we connect ish", then you're just gay. No need for the meaningless descriptions that just confuse me more. One more time, just so we can be clear from here on out: I LIKE WOMEN (insert disclaimer...again). I don't necessarily care how you dress or how you get down in bed or any of that. I do care that you are comfortable enough in who you are to know that those silly little titles don't really mean anything. Some of you excluded yourself from the pool of applicants without even knowing it.

Ok thats all...


*Le Twinkle*

This woman...this song... whoo chyle, its too early in the morning for all-a-dist. Cuz it is definitely killing me.
*Star*

Natural Hair=Lesbian?

My hair has been natural for about 6 years now. I tried to do the whole, "let the perm grow out but don't cut it all off" thing. That didn't work for me. So one hot summer day, I took my son to the barber shop and hopped right in the chair after he was done. My barber asked how low I wanted to go. It took me all of half a second to say, "bald, I want it gone."  Now mind you, I had a mountain of shoulder length hair on my head. It was a severely  neglected, curly mess. He cut it down to something like one inch without the guards. It was  awesome. You couldn't tell me I wasn't fine. 
About 3 days later, I go to pick up my moms for a funeral. As I'm walking up the stairs I say, "momma, I'm bald, don't freak out." She took one look at me and screamed, then she cried. Then she took a deep enough breath to call me a "bull-dagger." Yeah, I know.



Look-a-here Negroes: I have TONS of friends with natural hairstyles. From Afros to locks to everything in between.All of them are not gay. Most of the new people I have met on my natural hair journey, are not gay. However, it seems like every time i'm in earshot of straight black women and a short/natural haired sister approaches, she is either given "the look" or the mumbling begins.


Women of color, in particular, have always been told that their hair is their crowning glory. My mother is a HUGE believer in this bull. A pretty black woman, with pretty straight(read; Caucasian) hair will have no problem catching a great husband ad having a great life. Because you know, the main prize is a husband, right? So for a women to reject that belief system means she's a dyke. And not just a dyke, but a nappy-headed one at that. 


Hair does not a lesbian make. A chick like me gets hot sometimes and just cuts it all off again. I don't become anymore gay every time I do a big chop, do I? Clearly not. But in the Black community, even with as many straight, and happily married women with natural hairstyles Black folks are still giving the side eye to close cropped sisters. Cuz they think we all wanna get they booty... Please believe this is NOT at all the case. There are some black women who just want to have the option to just get up and go, without being a slave to that creme-o-crack (relaxer). 


Stop being so stereotypical and judgmental, and stupid people. 


Hope this helps...I doubt that it will..


Aiight then,

*Star*
P.S. I had some really cool pics for this post but they wont link so oh well....

Today I Exhaled

I have been arguing with IMEEM for about a half hour trying to make a player for my blog and it just aint working. Now I'm locked and loaded and sick of listening to this sad ish.


Here's what I had on NON-STOP repeat today:


1.Gravity, John Mayer
2.No one in the World, Anita Baker
3.Stronger, Mary J.
4.Part of the List, Ne-yo
5.Why Does She Stay, Ne-yo
6.Fall, J. Holiday
7.Superhuman, Knock em'Down Brown and Skeri Hilson
8.I'm Gonna Find Another You, John Mayer
9.Epiphany, Chrisette Michelle
10.Been So Long, Anita Baker
This mess is enough to make you slit your damn wrists... Enough.


Then I got the call from that good 801 area code. Please believe I changed up my playlist with the quickness! First I turned off all the music and thanked God for the way he is moving in my life. Funny how one door abruptly slams in your face, then so many others open up.
Anyhoo...
I also cleaned my severely neglected house, submitted an article to I-Bleed-Ink.com  and spent some much need quality time doing ME. All in all, I think today was a good day. 


That's all.
*Star*
Oh yeah, much love and hugs to the captain for once again saying the simplest thing and making it all better. 

Confuzzled.....

Just saw this commercial and I REALLY need someone to explain this to me....


Is this supposed to be like soft porn for women or men? Cuz it looks like soft Gay porn to me. Which is totally fine if that's the case. But PLEASE tell me these dudes don't think that regular old straight white women are the ones buying this dvd.

I'm just saying.


*Star*

There's a billion of us...right?

I get a lot of ideas from the most random places. But I think that's a good thing because it helps me " think outside the box." Lately I have been searching the net (again) for other LGBT blogs by people of color that are actually ABOUT LGBT people of color. When I first decided what I wanted my site to be, I did sort of a generic search on the topic and didn't find too much worth mentioning. I thought this was pretty odd since  there are billions of  blogs out there. There's a blog for every subject imaginable, by every type of writer and with supporters from every walk of life. Even with that, finding other blogs of substance black black lesbians has been more difficult than finding an unhappy man in dark room with Karrin "Superhead" Stephens. 

Eventually I came across a really good one : abrowngirl.com. (check her out) is the best, really the only one worth mentioning that I have found so far. There's a good number of celebrity blogs like blackgaygossip.com, and politicos like keithboykin.com , but those were not really the categories I was searching for. Why is that though? We are EVERYWHERE. We are writers, artists of every kind, and live very diverse and interesting lives. Why are we so under represented in the blogging community? Its not like the typical Hollywood story of "well THEY don't want but a few of us on the television/small screen". Blogger, Wordpress, and a host of other blog sites are scott free. No one else has any control over who gets to have a Blogspot. Even a HUGELY successful one is at the mercy of the owner. So where are we hiding and why? 


As usual, I was just curious...


*Star*

Have we met before?

As I sat here going back over some of my older posts on the blog, I realized something VERY important. In the past few weeks, I have gotten soooooo very far away from what I set out for sistahstar.com to be.  In the midst of my love sick stupor all I have been blogging about is my personal turmoil with my ex. While I do realize that this is MY blog and I can say whatever the hell I want, that's NOT what this is supposed to be about. 


So with that said: ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF!!!!!!

MY NAME IS STAR B*TCHES. An the immortal words of another bad Nicki: "IMMA BAD B*TCH,, IMMA, IMMA BAD B*TCH


What I need and what I want are two different things. I may not have a particular person that I want, but I damn sure have the only person that matters, ME!  To make matters worse is the fact that I have let all manner of rainbow colored foolishness slip by me. And that is just unacceptable.


So tonight, as I stated on my twitter (twitter.com/sistahstar and twitter.com/starstarbaby) I am being forced to partake in some "family" matters. I will be hanging out (yes, outside of my house) with some of rainbow crew. There's a welcome home set and a house party. There will be foolishness GALORE. I can't wait! I will be reporting back to you guys ASAP! Pray that I dont get caught snapping pics of the hot messes and ass clowns that I am sure encounter this evening. 


In a minute
*Star*
Im back up in this thang, tricks...

You aint fooling me...

I am absolutely convinced that Wendy Williams is on some Caster Semenaya ish. Like she's not totally a man but not totally a woman either. The difference is she knows it. There is no way in the world Wendy Williams looks at herself in the mirror and sees femininity. AIN'T NO WAY. Not just because she's humongous, but she's so harsh. everything about her screams bad drag to me. I'm a makeup artist, so trust, I know bad drag. That hair hat, that voice, those mannerisms. Its all just so...much. Its like someone puts her together with a few pieces of a leftover women and a LOT of pieces of leftover men. Its just too weird for me.I don't think I'm alone in this thought process am I?
Just Wondering.
*Star*

As ya'll can see I have clearly jacked up my layout. My beloved sister is finally finishing up my logo ( so she says) and background. Until then I am going to just play around with some more random layouts. Bear with me guys.
Oh, yeah, and thanks for all the support while I was pouring my damn heart out.
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program. I have a new camera people so if you out there acting a rainbow fool, know that you have been warned.
You will get told.
Thanks
*Star*

Entirely too personal, but very neccessary

I'm sitting up watching one of my favorite movies of all times, Sex and the City, and some things jumped out at me. Well, it kind of smacked me in the face like a baseball bat. 

1. When Samantha is talking about the direction her relationship with Smith was heading she says," he stayed with me through my treatments." Carrie appropriately responds, "Sweetie, you just compared your relationship...to chemo..." 
2. When Carrie goes to get her absolutely beautiful, never worn pair of Manolo Blahniks (that I would trade my mother for, by the way), she opens the closet door and sees Big standing there. They pause, look at each other, then she runs into his arms. The rest is history. 


Those two events brought up some really heavy relationship stuff for me. As does everything these days. Whatever..

In case you didn't know, my relationship before this one ended in a very ugly, very bloody mess. I ended up in the trauma center fighting for my life. That's all I'm saying about that. I have mentioned before that I have my own personal army. The captain of that army is my homegirl. The General is my girlfriend. 

Sidenote: I am not accustomed to calling her anything other than my girlfriend so deal with it. Don't judge me.

Anyways...  She put me through a lot. Not the typical relationship stuff. Just emotional rollercoaster type-a-shit that I am wondering now would I have put up with if she where not "The General." This is the  person that did not leave my side for days during my ordeal. I saw her more than my mother. Seriously. In my morphine induced haze I feel deeper and deeper in love with this woman and way faster than normal. Given the circumstances that's understandable though, right?


Anyhoo, when I heard that (#1) in the movie it made me really think of what I was holding on to. 

Then the next thing (#2) brought up this other issue. Me and baby are already in, wait... shit, WHERE IN (ugh!) a long distance relationship. The longest we'd been apart were these last few months. That's when all the ups and downs got really, REALLY bad. Yeah. So when Carrie sees Big for the first time after what he put her through, she stops, looks, and finally runs into his arms. They are, once again, inseparable. But for good this time. So I'm wondering: What's it going to be like when I finally see her again? 

Now, I know I be on some ol' Nicki Minaj " ima bad b*tch, ima, ima bad b*tch" ish,(cuz i am, after all, a bad b*tch), but I am also a hopeless romantic and a believer in soul mates and love and all that stuff. So it could go a couple of different ways...

Who knows. Maybe when we do see one another again, it will be all good. Maybe not. But I don't like surprises and I'm a deep thinker sooooo. 

I was just wondering. 

Thats all.

*Star*

Eye See Now

I try not too get too personal on my little blog. From time to time I may talk about the Drama and my Momma. My son is freaking hilarious (and I am a super proud mom), so I think the world should know about that. I never really go too deep in detail about my relationships. Other than a vague mention here and there (well, except that one time) I have always tried to keep that to myself, for a couple of reasons. Right now, unfortunately, I find myself without a way to express what I am feeling other than to post about it here. Well, bitches, its my blog, I paid for it so here goes.

Love is the most ridiculous thing. Its up there with marriage and religion. Just plain crazy as hell. Out of the three, though, love is the one thing that we mere mortals have no control over. Now you may not practice any religion or ever get married. Those things, for the most part, are choices. There's no way to control with whom or when or how hard you fall in love. So I am going to put it out there that I am in love with someone that I can't be with. I can't see her, I can't touch her, talk to her, almost can't stand the thought of her... yet and still I love her with all my heart.

And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
And it hurts like hell.

I want so badly to be able to scream and curse and all of those things that you do when you're mad, but I can't. The trouble is, I'm not mad at all. Hurt. Devastated. Defeated. Those words apply . Mad, does not.

I said in a prior post that I am not a gambler. This situation has made me realize that, that's not entirely accurate. I gamble often and I bet BIG. Forever is a long time and Never say Never. Time heals all wounds and this too, shall pass. Yeah insert your favorite cliche here: 

Whatever. All I know this: All I know is this. I love that damn girl. Always will. All I can do is move forward, but its gonna be a long time before I move on.

Yep, I hear you loud and clear...

*Star*