Eye See Now

I try not too get too personal on my little blog. From time to time I may talk about the Drama and my Momma. My son is freaking hilarious (and I am a super proud mom), so I think the world should know about that. I never really go too deep in detail about my relationships. Other than a vague mention here and there (well, except that one time) I have always tried to keep that to myself, for a couple of reasons. Right now, unfortunately, I find myself without a way to express what I am feeling other than to post about it here. Well, bitches, its my blog, I paid for it so here goes.

Love is the most ridiculous thing. Its up there with marriage and religion. Just plain crazy as hell. Out of the three, though, love is the one thing that we mere mortals have no control over. Now you may not practice any religion or ever get married. Those things, for the most part, are choices. There's no way to control with whom or when or how hard you fall in love. So I am going to put it out there that I am in love with someone that I can't be with. I can't see her, I can't touch her, talk to her, almost can't stand the thought of her... yet and still I love her with all my heart.

And there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
And it hurts like hell.

I want so badly to be able to scream and curse and all of those things that you do when you're mad, but I can't. The trouble is, I'm not mad at all. Hurt. Devastated. Defeated. Those words apply . Mad, does not.

I said in a prior post that I am not a gambler. This situation has made me realize that, that's not entirely accurate. I gamble often and I bet BIG. Forever is a long time and Never say Never. Time heals all wounds and this too, shall pass. Yeah insert your favorite cliche here: 

Whatever. All I know this: All I know is this. I love that damn girl. Always will. All I can do is move forward, but its gonna be a long time before I move on.

Yep, I hear you loud and clear...

*Star*