Gurl, NO.

ABSOLUTELY F*CKING NOT

BYE

NIK

In Dreams

 DREAM #1

Me: What the hell?! 

Her: It was too much too fast, huh?

Me: Yeah, Genius. It was. 

Her: Its cool. I knew what I was doing. 

Me: Thanks. I think.

To be continued...

DREAM #2
Me: You called me. Why?
Her: Look, this is stupid. We've been through this a thousand times.We're older,wiser, and smarter. And we have a kid.
Me: Umm yeah. But what's the point.
Her: I'm sorry. I really am. I played that sh*t all wrong. You already apologized. Lets make it happen. I'll be over after work in the morning.
Me: Ok.
To be continued...

Touch me Not Studs... What.The.Hell?

I know I haven't posted in along time. Technically this applies a locked and loaded post. So here ya go I.C.! Sorry for the delay.


THESE TOUCH ME NOT STUDS CAN GO THE HELL ON!


That is the dumbest ish I have ever heard of in my life. 
Im sorry but it is.


I just saw a video on Youtube where this lesbian couple are discussing the "touch me not" syndrome. 
The femme chick was expressing how she had to kinda coax her stud girlfriend into allowing her to perform the business. The stud chick stated that she had been a a "touch me not" chick for about 8 years. 
*blink blink* no, no, no, just NO.
This b*tch said she hadn't gotten head in 8 years. 8 YEARS???!!!
Hold up, let me tell you one damn thing right now: Let me not get some head in 8 MONTHS, imma be a raging bitch. Hell, even 8 WEEKS and im not gonna be the nicest person either. But 8 YEARS?! GURL BYE... 
You dont even wanna know! 


The other thing that really irked me about this video is that the stud chick was so overly concerned about how she sounded. Her girl said something like "you be calling my name all cute." Stud chick got kinda mad and replied," uh uh, I never call your name like that, u know I use my deep man voice." Like she was overly concerned about maintaining her "masculinity." Who the hell cares if you sound like a dude? You are NOT a dude!Get over yourself! 
Now I understand that there are studs, lots of women period,  that have had terrible things happen to them that cause them not to want to be touched in that way. These are not the ladies that i'm referring to. Im talking about these faking ass imma dude type-a-broads that are so sold on the fantasy of maleness, that they don't want anyone to get at the vajay-jay. It makes no sense.And what if you're in a relationship with someone who genuinely ENJOYS giving head? Thats just not fair to them. I wouldn't last 5 seconds in that one. Sorry.  


Now to be fair, I have to say that these lesbians that don't like penetration confuse me too, but not as much. If you go long enough without wearing your earrings, the hole WILL close. And re-opening that mutha hurts. So, yeah, I kinda get it, kinda not. But anyway, these ratchet ass studs bay bay. A mess.


Enough of this silly sh*t. Im going to bed. 


*Sips Chandon*
And good evening...
Imperial Star

What they really want....

If she's a stud she wants:

a girl who doesn't talk much. Looks like a combo of Amer Rose, Toya Carter, and Alicia Keys. A chick who cooks like Bobby Flay, and cleans the floors on her hands and knees. She can't have too much game of her own and not  alot of hustle. MUST have a GREAT job, plenty money in  the bank and the amazing ability to always get some more. Needs to have some street in her, but never use it because that implies that she's a hustler, and as previously stated, thats a no-no.Oh, and she doesn't need to know a lot of people outside of the friends that they share together. Intelligence is cool, but smart will do. Just so long as she's not a dumbass, but she aint gotta talk much anyway. And she must, without a doubt, be the worlds greatest freak in bed. This is non-negotiable.

If she's a stem/soft stud/femme aggressive she wants:

A pretty girl. With connections. Drive and a good hustlers spirit are required. Intelligence is a MUST because she has to move in some pretty big time circles and the stem/soft stud/ femme aggressive can not be embaresed. Hopefully she's organized because the stem/soft stud/femme aggressive  is not. She's stuck in two worlds so her girlfriend MUST also work as her personal assistant/organizer/accountant etc. But for this she will be rewarded with all the things that make her happy. Like expensive shoes and purses. Girl must also, of course, be a world class freak in bed... GO figure.

If she's a Femme she wants: 

The two idiots above.... 

LOL

Star

You do the math... AKA: Today's WTF news...

I found this beauty over at another lgbt blog site that I love. www.southern4life.blogspot.com  
This map was featured in the New York Times. It shows a map of states where its legal for gays to marry and a map where its legal for one to marry their first cousin. Notice anything? 

So, I can't marry the woman of my dreams, who i'm sure would NOT  be genetically related to me in any way. However, I CAN marry someone who is a close blood relative of mine, and run the risk of producing physically and/or mentally disabled, or even still born children? Umm, ok. 

But there's something wrong with me...?

I'm done

*Twinkle*

Star

I'll SLAP FIRE FROM YO MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: I usually don't condone ish like this, but this is BEYOND funny.

Bwaaaaahahahahaaaahahahaaa lollolllolollolol......



All I could think about watching this video is my home girl Dred in DC. Those of you who know her, whoo chyle, can you imagine??!! Somebody would end up missing some teeth!

*Le Twinkle*

On to the next one...

NOW BEFORE I WRITE THIS, I MUST SAY SOMETHING...
All of my posts are not directly related to me. Even when I don't say so. Listen to the message, don't shoot the messenger.
___________________________________________________________________________________


EVERYBODY'S RELATIONSHIP IS SHOT TO SH*T RIGHT NOW!!!
WTH? EVEN MY STRAIGHT FOLKS GOING THROUGH IT!!! IS THERE SOMETHING IN THE WATER? CAN'T BE THE SAME THING IN THE WATER IN TN, AL, CA, IL, AND GA?! CAN IT?



Come on people! How is it that everyone lost their minds at the same time? I have the Captain who's ex is still ACTING like they're in a relationship. Another one of my girls (who is married) is pregnant by some other random dude. One of my homies ex even went so far as to write up a fake lease to keep her out of her OWN damn apartment! AND another friend on the west coast, her girl actually went to the Laker game with her ex "cuz the tickets were free." Ummm, like them mofo's wasn't gonna have another 90 freaking games this season. Quit playing!!! Then my, ummm....well my swee...umm gir..my exxxx,  oh hell, I don't even know what to call her.

Every needs to go back their corners, wait for the bell to ring, and start the hell over again.


By the way, this technically qualifies as a"Locked and Loaded" post. In case ya'll hadn't noticed. 
*sips wine*
And Good Evening
*Starrrra*

YA'LL NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS SH*T

OH MY GOD I HAVE TO RUN THIS CONVERSATION DOWN FOR SOMEONE OTHER THAN MYSLEF TO HEAR!!! THESE LITTLE BOYS ARE FILARIOUS!!!

Here's the background. I have my 6 year old son, my 5 year old nephew, and my 7 and 5 year old cousins (who are brothers and think they're my nephews) over here with me right now. The 7 year old is a certified genius. My nephew is a bad ass. He's the little boy Katt Williams is talking about in the Pimpin Pimpin, pills and all. He's that bad. Anyways, here's what happened.

7yr old to bad ass nephew: dude, you need to chill.
Bad ass nephew: im not gonna be ya'lls friends anymore and i'm not gonna be (my sons) twin anymore!!!
7yr old: Bruh, ya'll wasn't twins in the first place! He's 6, your 5. He's tall, you're short. Get over it man.
My son and the other 5 yr old(semi nephew): Bwaaaahaaaaaa haaahahahahaaaa lol lol lol lol hahahahahahahah
Nephew: boooooohoooo tears tears tears snot sniff etc....
Me: did you just say "bruh?" bwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Clearly my nephews meds are wearing off. I AM CRYING LAUGHING @ THESE KIDS RIGHT NOW.

STAR

*update* by the time I finished typing the original part of this post, the 7 year old was over there patting the Bad ass nephew ont eh back saying. Dud, its ok, stop crying. your life is not over...
I am about to laugh up the 1.5 lungs that I have left.

I gambled...and lost.

It came to me today. I was at work looking around and something major occurred to me. 8+ years ago, I gambled my future on the hopes that a big company would, or even could, believe in me like I believed in myself. Today, I realized that, without a doubt, I made a huge mistake. I have been with the same company for over 8 years. When I started, I had some really big dreams. I worked my ass off to show and prove. Every dream they sold me to keep me, I bought. If anyone had told me that after almost 10 years of sacrifice in an attempt to live a dream through a company that I loved I would still be where I am, I would never have believed it. If anyone would have told me that I as my child approaches his 6th year of life on this earth that his own mother would have only taken him to the movies 3 times and to maybe 3 birthday parties because she works every weekend and almost every night, I would have never believed it. But today, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have no one to blame but myself and no one can do anything about it but me.

And I'm going to do something about it right now. I cant waste another minute. I am 30 years old and I gotta make my next move my best move.

Yea, just felt like sharing

Watch how I do...

Nik

I CANT JUST SIT BACK...

Yesterday a well known lesbian couple around town their annual pool party. When I tell you these two are living nice, I mean just that. Their home is absolutely beautiful. Blessed, that's all I can say.

Anyways, I didn't got to the actual pool party because I had to work the plantation,of course. I did, however, go to the afterparty last night. What I MUST discuss is the fact that after the pool several of the party goers opted NOT to go home and wash they asses. They decided against putting on actual party clothes and came straight to the club in their swimwear.

HUH? Yeah. I know.

Now, I am not saying that everyone looked a fool. There were some pretty swim covers that looked like nice sundresses and such. That made a little more sense. However, I just didn't get the logic behind being at an actual club; a bar and grill, in a 2 piece bikini and and a fishnet cover. The only saving grace for me was the fact that the "young ladies" were not throwed off completely, due to the fact that all of their quick weaves and lace fronts were still in "perfect" condition. Cuz clearly, these chica's were not at the pool party to get wet. Oh no maam, you do not spend the amount of time in da booty shop that some of them obviously did, just to go to a swim party and, gasp, swim! Ohhh lawd, I...just...cant.

And the other thing. The after party was at this spot called 2 FOR 1 Bar and Grill. Its a straight spot that was basically rented out for the party. However, some of the straight regulars did not get the memo. So there where a few hetero couples sprinkled here and there. Looking at everybody like WUT IN THE SWEETBOOTY HELL???!!! Then, of course, there just HAD TO BE A DAMN SHOW. Cuz you now "we" just can't party and enjoy music and dance, "we" GOTS to watch people do bad Karaoke and lip sync to their favorite song. Oh yeah, and did I mention the guys that were trying to get their Soldier Boy on? Yep. They had created a song with a correspondng dance routine to go with it. Mid party, the music stops, and these dudes get on stage and announce that they have a new dance that we needed to learn. Yep. Sure did. I love it here.

Nik

I have found some really interesting stuff over at BET.com, lately. Which is very interesting since that massive show of public buffonery and cooning they called the BET awards forced me to ban all of their niggotry from my home. Since I forgot to end my email subscriptions with them, these little pearls popped up on my Blackberry. I may continue allowing them based soley on the strength of the things I saw on their site today. But I am going to change my update settings. Since I find it highly unlikely that they will be overloading their site with meaningful information,and since I have no interest in the futher exploits of Tiny and Toya, or Drake and Lil Wayne, and since Queen Yance' (Beyonce) is on EVERY CHANNEL ON THE PLANET, well you get my point. I just don't need BET buzzing my blackberry every five minutes. However, here's what I found blogworthy:
_____________________________________________________________________________________
For most people, their only exposure to the gay lifestyle is through the media or word of mouth. Unfortunately, this is how many rumors and stereotypes are spread. Check out some common misconceptions about gays and lesbians.


Being gay is just a phase. Thousands of gay men have sought therapy, "reverse gay counseling" and even heterosexual relationships to suppress their homosexual feelings.


Lesbian women recruit others into their lifestyle. This is not the military. There are plenty lesbians in the world already, so recruitment is not necessary.

.
All gay men will die of AIDS.


All lesbians hate men. Granted, even some straight women are sick of men, but this attitude is not a characteristic of all lesbians.


Gay men are all about sex. Here’s a news flash: Gay men are no more sexually active than heterosexuals.

.
All lesbians with short haircuts are masculine.


All gay men are feminine. The belief that all gay men desire to be women or are feminine is merely a generalization. The gay community is just as diverse as any other group.


Sex between two women is risk-free. Sexually transmitted infections can be passed between partners of any gender. It is therefore important to practice safe sex with whomever you sleep.


Someone made him gay. Studies have shown that being gay is not directly related to one's environment. Many mothers say they regret having been too close to their sons, believing that is what "made" them gay. The truth is, their relationship with their son had little or nothing at all to do with his sexual orientation. Research continues to explore the source of homosexuality, but blaming oneself or environment is not the answer. Besides, being gay is not a disease.


If a friend tells you that he/she is gay or lesbian, then she/he is coming on to you. Did you ever think that your friend just might want you to get to know him/her as a whole person?


Gays and lesbians are promiscuous. They are no more or less promiscuous than heterosexuals. Just like heterosexuals, gays and lesbians can have monogamous relationships, be celibate or have multiple partners.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
This is just a snippet of the ignorance I have encountered in my Lesbian walk. It amazes me still, how people can associate things that have absolutely no relation to one another. I must say how impressed with BET I am for posting this. It does NOT, however, redeem them even 1/10 of a point. Anyways, think about it people.
later
NIK

Sissy Nobe!!!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Sissy Nobe!!!!!

Nik

THE GREAT DIVIDE

Current TV ( my new favorite station), has been running some really great shows in honor of June being Gay Pride Month. There was one documentary about the "Boi's." There are these women who basically live their lives as men. They look like men, walk and talk like men, of course they dress like men. Thats's not the interesting part, though. The real trip (to me) is how far they are willing to go to perpetuate the stereotype. Now let me say this. This is my blog so everything I say here is my opinion. These are my perspectives. So, I am probably going to offend someone when I say certain things. Now that that's out of the way, here's what I think. I did a blog a while ago about the great divide between the two factions. The caucasion vs. the non white glbt community. Watching that documetary brought it all back to me again. The "boi's" on the documentary were expressing how they felt about their bodies and how it (it being their feminine forms) made life significantly more difficult than it had to be. Most of the women in the show had either had top surgery (cosmetic surgery to remove the breasts), were on "T" (testoterone shots), or a combination of both.

Now I know a lot of Boi's. Generally, every stud I know falls in this category. I do not know anyone, however, that is even remotely considering the possibility of top surgery, or even knows what a testerone shot is all about. I don't even think I know anybody who has ever taped down their boobs or even considered it for that matter.

The more I think about it, the more I start to believe that the great divide is really real. It is a great divide. I asked someone very close to me (a stud) if they would ever consider going forward with either of the options that I saw on that documentary. Her answer was, of course, a flat out NO.

People of color often make fun of just how different the other persuasion really is. As open minded as I am, i'm starting to believe the hype. Being a person of color, moreover, a lesbian of color with friends who are not black, I feel like I have been exposed to so many other things that I would never have even heard of had I just stayed within my community. What's interesting to note is the fact that, with all my open minded-ness and rainbow coalition of friends, I still believe just as my community believes. A lot of the things that non blacks in the family will partake in for the perpetuation of a stereotype are utterly ridiculous and most of us of color wouldn't even give a passing thought. I can' t even fathom a circumstance existing that would make me or any person of color spend upwards of $10,000 cutting off their breasts when there are perfectly good extra small sports bras at Target for less than ten bucks. I would like to have some insight into the mindset that goes along with pumping your body full of a male horman for he sake of having facial hair. I just don't get it. I want to, but I don't. If anyone can help me understand this, please get at me. Cuz I was totally and completely lost after I watched that documentary! Any and all input is welcomed here and GREATLY appreciated. Cuz ya girl is lost. For real.

Just let go, dayum.

Its interesting that this fell into MY lap the other day, but if I'm going to stick to my concrete rule that no one and nothing are above getting blogged about then I must speak on this one.
So I got a homegirl out in California. She has an ex that we affectionately refer to as Psycho
Kitty. THIS... CHICK... IS... CRAZY. Just since I've known of this girl (which has not been that long) she has done so much extra ish that even I can't keep up. The bottom line is this. When a mofo doesn't want to f*ck with you anymore, then they don't want to f*ck with you anymore! Why is it necessary to send threatening text messages (I would recommend saving every single one of them)? Why start shit in a club, especially when that just leaves a million witnesses to your psychosis? Why is necessary for the new jump off to interject their 1.5 cents into the situation, when you have no idea who they are or where they come from? Wait, I do know the answer to that one. It's because New Boo has heard "all about how evil, horrible, and terrible you are, yet you have heard nothing about them. Actually, New Boo is probably sick and fucking tired of hearing about you, but oh well. I find that one pretty damn funny actually, but I digress. Anyways, what's the logic behind all the crazy ex stalker sh*t? Is it some unwritten rule that one person must go nuts during breakup? I must interject my disclaimer here, and get used to hearing this one: This foolishness is not exclusive to the family, it's just so amplified because our circle is so much smaller and concentrated. For straight people there are six degrees of separation from one person to the next. With us, there's only three degrees. Basically, we live in a fishbowl. Not only are we (the community) all watching each other, the straight world is watching us too. Everything is magnified to the inth freaking degree. We make ourselves look stupid. So allow me to issue this public service announcement: Ex's, please learn to let go. Move on, and be very careful what you send in a text message. Ex's new piece, understand that in the grander scheme of things, you don't even exist. I mean it's sad, but so very true. Can everyone just grow up? Everything ain't for everybody and you can't always deal with people just because you pity them. If a mofo was crazy with one, chances are they'll be crazy with you. Oh and to my homegirl out in the Bay that made me think about all this, that bitch sounds like she might need to be commited. Hide your kitchen knives...