This woman...this song... whoo chyle, its too early in the morning for all-a-dist. Cuz it is definitely killing me.
*Star*

SEE, YA'LL PLAY TO D*MN MUCH!

WHAT IN THE SWEETBOOTY HELL?!!!

*DEAD*
*RISE ON THE 3RD DAY*
*LOOK AT THIS PICTURE*
*DROP DEAD AGAIN*

Who you think you gamin'?

Yesterday morning I was in the car listening to a very popular radio show hosted by a comedian who used to have the most spray painted sharpest hairline in the world, but who is now completely bald. They have a segment where they read letters from callers about their relationship woes and ask the host for advice. I'm not sure why having a morning talk show qualifies someone who just went through a nasty divorce as a relationship counselor, but I digress.
This particular letter was from a lady who had recently lost her husband of 20 years. The couple married when she was 18. They have two grown sons and had a very happy life together. The husbands "dying wish" was that she not be with another man. Ever. She is 39. 
Her question to the host was this: She is still a lively, beautiful woman. She wants to, eventually, get out and try to meet someone new. To not be alone for the rest of her life. What she came up with, in order to stay in line with her husband's "wishes,"  was to maybe go out and date...a woman.
Oooh Lawd. Where to begin. 
There are so many things wrong with this one I dont even know where to start. I was cracking up listening to this mess. Luckily, the good host (who i'm sure you know, is a no nonsense type of dude) said everything I was thinking and then some.
This lady has wanted a woman for a while now and that little selfish ass request her husband made was all she needed. As a wife and mother, she fulfilled all the conditions of marriage. Even in the eyes of Christianity, you are done. "Till death do us part." That's it. Period. You are officially free to see whomever you wish. Your husband can't add an amendment to the contract after it's been signed for 20 years. However, you have this little lezzie bell going off in your head like a damn bullhorn and here's your "opportunity" to dip in and not feel like its your fault. Cuz it would be the worst thing ever to pursue what you feel and just admit you want to taste the rainbow.
 I was so glad the host went in on her a*s.
Good day ma'am. You gets no sympathy here. I got your tea, ice and your cup boo. I can't even give you the side eye. For this one I have to give you the coveted Fool Saddown gift basket with the Chile Please body butter and the We Don't Believe You, You Need More People facial scrub. (all courtesy of Awesomelyluvvie.com)

Sneaky Sh*t comes in all forms...

*Star*

oh the media.who acts like this? i mean really...

Neglect...and other family facts

I am so very sorry to those of you that care, about the fact that I haven't posted anything in almost a week. I was completely overloaded at work this week. On top of that, my family reunion was this weekend. Now work is work, but I must explain what I mean by family reunion. My family is humongous and can easily fill up an entire hotel(we almost did). So when we have a reunion, we have a reunion. My mom is the youngest of 14 survivng children, there were actually 20 in all. These people don't play around. My eldest uncle is 75 years old. That means I have cousins old enough to be my grandfather and cousins too young to feed themselves. I managed to survive the events without incident and without seeing anyone doing or wearing anything that would make them a prime candidate for youknowyoudeadazzwrong.com, the later of the two being the bigger shock.

There were several honarable mentions... and some funny sh*t I thought I should share:

1.my son got annoyed by one of my little cousins, so he politely cocked back and thumped her smack in her eye. Not above it, not below it, square in her eyeball. POW! He got dealt with by his uncle, please believe it, but that ish was funny as hell!

2. my mom danced right on out of her shoes, literally.

3. my brother(who is without a doubt one of the funniest people alive) hugged my mom for a picture and in the process, almost pulled her wig off. I about dropped dead right on the spot. My brother almost laughed up a lung. Mom Dukes was not pleased at all. Thats what a women who has hair down to her bra strap gets for wearing a wig to avoid the beauty salon anyway.

4. we had a "madea" impersonator, nuff said.

5. the aforementioned "madea" chased my uncle around the room with her pistol, like for real.

6. all the kids ran to the dance floor when the d.j. played that d*mn stanky leg song. my son (because he is MY son after all) ran the opposite way. to the stage. cuz he needed to be the featured "stanky legger."

7.we officially broke an elevator in the hotel.

Anyhoo, my life should return to some form of normality in the next couple days after the last of the family heads back home to almost every state in the union. I enjoy very much being with my peeps, we are such an ecclectic bunch. I would have loved to have not beenthere alone. Most of my family is well aware that i'm a big lezzie. No one ever really says anything though. When we have our reunion in, we'll be back down in the A baby, and there is no way in hell my girl wont be with me. Hopefully, I won't be sleeping alone on the regular anymore. We shall see. I will be back soon posting my randomness and frustrations about the world we live in very soon.

Love you guys

Tell a friend

Nik

I CANT JUST SIT BACK...

Yesterday a well known lesbian couple around town their annual pool party. When I tell you these two are living nice, I mean just that. Their home is absolutely beautiful. Blessed, that's all I can say.

Anyways, I didn't got to the actual pool party because I had to work the plantation,of course. I did, however, go to the afterparty last night. What I MUST discuss is the fact that after the pool several of the party goers opted NOT to go home and wash they asses. They decided against putting on actual party clothes and came straight to the club in their swimwear.

HUH? Yeah. I know.

Now, I am not saying that everyone looked a fool. There were some pretty swim covers that looked like nice sundresses and such. That made a little more sense. However, I just didn't get the logic behind being at an actual club; a bar and grill, in a 2 piece bikini and and a fishnet cover. The only saving grace for me was the fact that the "young ladies" were not throwed off completely, due to the fact that all of their quick weaves and lace fronts were still in "perfect" condition. Cuz clearly, these chica's were not at the pool party to get wet. Oh no maam, you do not spend the amount of time in da booty shop that some of them obviously did, just to go to a swim party and, gasp, swim! Ohhh lawd, I...just...cant.

And the other thing. The after party was at this spot called 2 FOR 1 Bar and Grill. Its a straight spot that was basically rented out for the party. However, some of the straight regulars did not get the memo. So there where a few hetero couples sprinkled here and there. Looking at everybody like WUT IN THE SWEETBOOTY HELL???!!! Then, of course, there just HAD TO BE A DAMN SHOW. Cuz you now "we" just can't party and enjoy music and dance, "we" GOTS to watch people do bad Karaoke and lip sync to their favorite song. Oh yeah, and did I mention the guys that were trying to get their Soldier Boy on? Yep. They had created a song with a correspondng dance routine to go with it. Mid party, the music stops, and these dudes get on stage and announce that they have a new dance that we needed to learn. Yep. Sure did. I love it here.

Nik

Pearl's Window: Prophetess Casts Out Homosexual Demon from Parishoner!

Pearl's Window: Prophetess Casts Out Homosexual Demon from Parishoner!


My girl V put me up on this one.

I can't even type what I think about it right now. Gimmie a sec.

Nik